Unlikely Hero
by Imotochan13
Summary: "You're a waste of space. Waste of air. Stop fighting. Make the world a better place. Let him kill you." M for language, abuse, and other stuff, plus possible mature scenes later. ; GerUk
1. Unlikely Damsel

Startled awake as my bedroom door burst open, I tried to remain still under my covers, hoping that he might go away and let me sleep, like I needed to. He didn't leave.

"Get your lazy ass up this instant! I told you to have the the house clean by the time I got back!" Scrambling off my bed as fast as my exhausted body would allow, he threateningly stepped closer, narrowing his eyes. "Why do you have to be so worthless?" Cringing back as his hand curled into a fist, my voice came out shaky, but at this point, I didn't care, I just didn't want to be hit.

"I-I tried! I can only do so much! I-I could barely stay awake! I was going to finish! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Roughly he gripped my chin, making me look up as his voice came out as a growl, and giving me a huge lung full of the alcohol on his breath.

"Get it done! Now!" As he let me go, I figured I was safe, that he would leave and I would just start working. Didn't happen. A sharp crack echoed around the room as his palm connected with my cheek, the force sent me stumbling back into my side table. Lightly touching my stinging cheek, I looked up, tears welding up in my eyes.

"B-but I have school soon!" He took only one step forward, it was enough to send me scrambling further away from him, he smirked amused, then grinned.

"Isn't it obvious? You're not going. Now clean the damn house you good for nothing brat!" Watching him storm out of my room, I sighed, clicking my alarm off. I don't know what I'm going to tell the school, this will be my tenth unexcused absence... If I have anymore they'll send someone out... Not to mention the homework I'll miss, even though I have straight A's, then the school newspaper deadline is two days from now, and with only three of us we cut it close as is. Rubbing my eyes, I yawned, and what's another day running on two hours of sleep? I've already been doing this for the past four days trying to cater to the parties, cook, do homework, get stories for the paper.

**"If you push the human body, it will respond." **

Shaking my head, I groaned, plus I still have to get the money to get to the doctor about this damn voice in my head, it's annoying as hell.

"Get to work dammit!" Running a hand through my hair, I glanced at the clock, there was no possible way I could get all my work done in two hours, there was still a shitload that needed done.

"Coming Gilbert!" Hurrying out of my room, I groaned seeing all that I still had to do. There were dozens of beer bottles scattered, piles of dishes on almost every surface, and trash everywhere. This was going to take much longer than two hours...

Four trash bags of beer bottles, six bags of trash, and three hours of scrubbing dishes, and I _still _wasn't done... Doesn't help that the time that I had used to clean, Gilbert had gotten drunk again, adding to the amount of beer bottles. Plus in search of something, he had thrown clothes around everywhere, now I would have to wash them again, and he even chucked two plates at me. I was thankful for his bad aim. Drying and putting away the last dish, I rubbed my eyes, knowing I would have to do this all again next week, when he threw yet another party this weekend.

God I hate my life...

Hearing snoring from the next room, I dared to go into the bathroom, starting a short break by checking to see if I had a new bruise from where he slapped me. Flicking the light on, I flinched, not only was my cheek still slightly red, but a nasty combination of blue, purple, and black was starting to form. Sighing, I gently poked it, wincing at the pain. Great. Just fucking great. Looking at the clock as someone knocked, I was surprised to find it was already after three, which meant it could be only two people. Moving over to the door quickly, I opened it, not surprised to find Kiku and Feliciano, the two other that worked for the school newspaper, standing there, Feli looked annoyed and stressed.

"Ve~! Lud! We have deadline in two days! We can't afford to have you skipping out on us right now!" Glancing into the living room, afraid his raised voice would wake Gilbert, I relaxed when he only shifted in his chair a little.

"I wasn't ditching! Gilbert made me stay home to clean the house. I'm running on four days of two hours of sleep each! Cut me some fucking slack! I'm only human Feliciano! There's only so much I can fucking do!" His honey colored eyes got wide, showing fear, sighing, I rested my forehead against the doorframe, closing my eyes for a few seconds. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to yell..." Hearing Kiku speak for the first time, I glanced over at him, sighing again.

"Arthur-san," The student council president. "has infruence on attendance, maybe I can tark him into having them give you a break..." I nodded, thankfully I had great friends, and okay, sure, Arthur and I didn't exactly see eye to eye most of the time, but we helped each other out when we got the chance, he's helped me out of situations like this more than once. Then if I saw someone giving him a hard time, I normally gave them shit till they backed off, it was a good mutual agreement that neither of us had really agreed to.

"Thanks. I promise I'll be there tomorrow, I'm almost done so I'm planning on crashing soon, I'm really sorry I wasn't there." Glancing over as Gilbert shifted again, fear froze me where I stood, if he found out they had been here when I still had work, he'd be pissed! "You guys should really leave, Gilbert's been drinking again..." Feli sighed sadly, then followed as Kiku tugged on his arm, leading him away, closing the door, I jumped when Gilbert yelled.

"Why aren't you working you piece of shit?" Turning quickly, his red eyes were glaring at me from across the room, his white hair was wild from tossing and turning, and man did he look over the top pissed.

"Th-there was someone at the door, I was just sending them away. I'm almost done, I promise!" Kneeling down to pick up the glass shards from the plates, I got all that I could, then hurried to collect his new beer bottles. Knowing if I reassured him, that he would go back to sleep, but this time he pushed himself up from his chair, glaring at me again.

"I'm going out, and this house had better be cleaned, and I mean it! If you go back to sleep without finishing, so help me, I'll kill you. Hear me?" I nodded, grabbing the last beer bottle, putting them all in one of the other bags. Picking two bags up, I headed out of the house, dropping them in the recycle bin on the corner of the street next to the house, repeating the process with the last eight bags. Passing Gilbert as I walked in the last time, he grabbed my arm, halting me before turning my head, to look at the bruise. "That left a nice mark." He patted the same cheek, making me wince each time, watching him leave, I moved into the laundry room, moving his clothes from the washer to the dryer, knowing he would care if they weren't put away. Letting out a sigh, I checked around the house, to make sure everything was clean and all that jazz, before heading into my room, almost collapsing onto my bed. He had woken me at six when I went to bed at four, now it was almost four in the afternoon, and I was dead tired. Closing my eyes, I don't even remember the last thought that went through my head before I fell asleep.

Groaning and turning onto my side as the front door slammed shut, I glanced at my clock, then rubbed my eyes, it was about seven thirty, I still had at least half an hour till I had to leave, was Gilbert just getting home? Climbing up, I moved into the living room, seeing Gil stumbling around drunkenly, great, now he's probably gonna make a mess again, and yell at me saying I didn't clean.

"Ludwig! Get your pathetic ass over here!" Sighing, I went into the kitchen, hanging back a little bit, noticing the vodka bottle in his hand. Shit, he'd been out drinking with Ivan! Feeling my face grow cold as the Russian came into the house as well, I backed up, not noticing Gilbert advancing till he grabbed my throat and pinned me to the wall. Alcohol strong on his breath as always, it was suffocating right now though, it seemed worse than normal, he always got slammed when with Ivan. Then the Russian would come home with him, use him, leave, and when Gilbert got a clear mind again, he was deny we was gay or that anything had happened. "What are you supposed to do everyday you worthless piss ant! Hm?" Oh shit...

"Cook dinner for you..." He gripped my throat a little tighter, not enough to constrict my breathing, but enough to get the point across.

"Exactly! Your ungrateful ass couldn't manage to do that? I work to provide you with a warm house, clothes, and food, all I ask in return is you clean and cook for me. It's not that difficult!" I didn't even bother looking over at Ivan for help, he would just be smirking, or laughing, either one.

"I-I'm sorry! I thought you'd eat when you went out! You didn't tell me to cook!" Now my breathing became difficult, trying to pull his hands away, he gripped tighter, leaving me straining to breath.

"I should do the world a favor and kill you right here and now! You're so worthless! You only take up space! A waste of air! You fucking piece of shit!" Tears welded up in my eyes, I wasn't sure if it was because I couldn't breath, or what he was saying to me.

**"You're a waste of space. Waste of air. Stop fighting. Make the world a better place. Let him kill you."**

The corners of my vision slowly started fading black as tears ran down my cheeks, trying to pry his hands away desperately, his eyes narrowed.

"Pl-please! Br-bruder!.. I don't want to-to die!" As his grip tightened even more, Ivan finally stepped in, pulling him away from me, collapsing to my knees, I gulped in air greedily, choking on my tears at the same time.

"You'd regret it later, da?" Seeing Ivan pull Gilbert into the living room, I wiped my eyes, staying on the ground for a while, letting my racing heart calm.

**"So you survived this time. Do yourself a favor." **

Did I really hate myself so much subconsciously? Climbing up, I moved into the bathroom, turning on the light and looking at my reflection in the mirror, the bruise on my face had spread completely over my cheek, and bruises were already starting to form on my neck. Gilbert was a strong son of a bitch when he was drunk, I don't think he realizes that though... Slicking my hair back like normal, I went ahead and brushed my teeth, figuring I'd just go into school early today, maybe get a chance to talk to Arthur myself. Hurrying back into my room, I pulled clean jeans and a different shirt on, pausing and shuddering when I could hear Ivan and Gilbert in the room next to mine. Picking my bag up from the floor, I went back into the bathroom, looking through the cabinets for pain killers, cause my throat would be hurting later. Grabbing a bottle, I shoved it into the front pocket, then hurried out of the house, locking the door behind me.

Closing my locker, I leaned my head against it, I had gotten here about twenty five minutes early, I didn't have anything to do, because Kiku had the keys to where we worked, and he didn't get here till fifteen minutes before. Sighing, I turned my head, hearing Arthur yelling at someone, groaning, I pushed away from the cool metal, heading toward the furious Brit, till I noticed it was one of the football players giving him a hard time.

"You're going to cut the football budget? I don't fucking think so you fag! If you even touch our budget, we'll murder your gay ass!" Seeing the Brit's cheeks puff out a bit, I walked over, shoving the boy away from him, he turned to me, then crossed his arms. "What happened to you? Get beat up by a forth grader?" Grabbing his head, I slammed it against the lockers as hard as I could, my voice was rough and scratchy, thankfully it was even able to be heard.

"Back off asshole, if the football budget get's cut, maybe you'll spend less time watching the TV and more time practicing. You guys might win a game then, and I might have something to write about. Don't mess with me today. Got it?" He nodded violently, letting him go, blood was running down his forehead, and there was a small smear on the locker, he didn't pay any attention as he darted out of the hallway.

"Thanks for that... Um, are you okay?" Glancing over at Arthur, I nodded, rubbing my throat before moving over to the water fountain, trying to ease the burn. "So, Kiku tells me you could use some help with getting rid of some unexcused absences again." I nodded, giving up when the water only made the pain worse, my voice coming out even more rough now.

"Yeah, my bruder makes me stay home to clean the house. If it were up to me, I'd never miss a day." He nodded, but didn't take his eyes away from my throat, uncomfortable with his gaze, I was going to walk away, when he caught my arm.

"Look, come with me to the office, I want Nurse Elizaveta to check you out... I know strangulation bruises when I see them." Pulling my arm out of his grasp, I shook my head, that would be the worst idea ever. "Why not?"

"She's my aunt by marriage. She'd freak!" His emerald eyes got wide, and he puffed his cheeks out annoyed again, I heard he was stubborn, but jeez oh freaking Pete!

"All the more reason to! Look, if you go, I'll wipe out all your unexcused absences. Okay?" Hesitating, I sighed, then shoved my hands in my pocket, defeated.

"Fine..." Following after him to the office, I kept my eyes down, hearing Veta's cheerful humming, I glanced up, stopping behind the blonde in front of me.

"Oh, good morning Arthur, Lud, what can I do for you?" Arthur glanced back at me, and I sighed, raising my head, showing the bruises, she instantly gasped and jumped up. "Did Gilbert do this to you? Both of them?" Nodding a bit, she sighed, then dragged me over to one of the chairs, making me sit down, before moving to get something. "Was he to much of a pain to get in here Arthur?" Glancing over, he shook his head, looking at me curiously.

"No, he wasn't exactly all for it, but you just have to know the right things to say." Glaring at him, he smirked, adverting his eyes quickly. Veta made me open my mouth, shining a light down my throat.

"Say 'Ah'." Rolling my eyes, I sighed, then did as she instructed, feeling like an idiot, and ignoring the worsening pain. "Does it hurt to talk and such?" I nodded a bit, she pulled the light away, then crossed her arms. "Well, there's defiantly some vocal damage, don't be surprised if you lose your voice for a while. You know I have to report this... He could have killed you this time Lutz..." I looked down, trying to avoid her gaze at all costs. "But you'll just send them away again, won't you?" I nodded, standing as she sighed and walked back to her desk.

"Can I go now?" She nodded, looking up at me sadly, I stayed for a second, only because she looked like she wanted to say something. Veta really was an amazing person, and the best aunt I could ask for, but she cared almost to much sometimes.

"Lud, remember, if you ever need to talk, Roderich and I are always just a phone call away, same thing if you ever just need to get out of the house." I nodded, brushing past Arthur, who followed me after only a moment.

"Wait!" Turning to him, he froze, going slightly pale, rolling my eyes as he hurried to speak, I glanced at the clock, Kiku should be here by now. "Actually... Never mind... Um, I hope your voice get's better, and thanks again for the help." Watching him run off, I shook my head, before starting toward the news office.

Grabbing my books as the final bell of the day rang, I sighed. About damn time, this day went way to slow and people were so annoying. During gym first period, the football player that I had threatened had his friends gang up on me, and they shoved me into the opened bleachers. By second period Chemistry II, I'm the only freshman in there, they had a rumor going around that I was a fag. When third period, pre calculus, again the only freshman, rolled around, the rumor had grown into Arthur and I were dating, cause I protected him. Fourth period, English, the whole class was hassling me about it, even though I ignored most of the jeers, it still hurt. Fifth period study hall, Arthur's youngest brother Alfred came over to ask me if the rumors were true, which he was sure they weren't, it was okay talking to him, he even got me to laugh. Sixth period World History, the teacher decided to tell me that everything I knew about Germany, where I was born and raised, was wrong, and that the way I pronounced everything was wrong. He's and idiot. Last period was a safe time, it was Kiku, Feliciano, and me working to finish the last stories, but even they asked me if the rumors were true. Walking out of the school, I sighed, then rubbed my temples.

"God I hate my life..." Heading toward the woods next to the school instead of starting towards home, I ran a hand through my hair, figuring I deserved a break from people. Today has been trying, more so than normal. Reaching the tree line, I followed the lightly worn path I had made before, following it to a small creek, that had a flat rock that sat beside it, climbing up to it, I sat down, placing my bag next to me. Digging through the front pocket, I grabbed the pill bottle out, reading over the label as I slid a bottle of water out of my bag. No more than two per six hours, and all that crap.

**"Just deal with the pain you wimp. It's just a small burning." **

Opening the bottle, I slid two out onto my palm, putting them in my mouth, then taking a drink of water, after a second, I watched the creek for a little bit, hesitating.

_"I should do the world a favor and kill you right here and now! You're so worthless! You only take up space! A waste of air! You fucking piece of shit_

My heart dropped into my stomach, does my life really mean so little that my own bruder would try and kill me? Am I really that pathetic? I don't mean to be, I do everything I can. Lowering my gaze to the, still almost full, pill bottle in my hand, I took a shaky breath, then lifted the bottle to my lips, emptying the contents into my mouth. Taking a drink from my water bottle, the pills went down with some difficulty, but not to much, not enough to stop me at least. Tossing the empty bottle off to the side, I stared down at the water. Sighing about ten minutes later, I heard rustling, glancing back, I noticed Arthur walk out from behind a bush. He looked up at me nervously.

"Um... I wanted to say I'm sorry." Confused, I just looked at him, he glanced around, then sighed, walking closer. "Well, if it weren't for me cutting the football budget, he wouldn't have been hassling me, and you never would have been caught up in this mess." I smirked, then looked down as my vision started spinning. "Ludwig? Are you okay?" Returning my gaze back to him, I was barely able to make out him picking up the pill bottle with all the dizziness I felt. "Oh my God..." Covering my eyes as my vision faded to black, I barely heard Arthur call my name once more before I passed out.

**Authors Note:**

**I always see these stories about where Arthur is being abused, and Alfred helps him out. So I thought to my self, it's so cliche, so, I thought harder, and came to realize, who would really expect Gilbert to abuse Ludwig? Who who imagine Arthur being there to help? So therefore, this story was born. Though it took me three tries to get Gil mean enough. It's not over yet. Or is it? lol. It's not. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! :D**


	2. Truth Revealed

Staring up at the white ceiling above me, I listened to the soporific beeping of the heart monitor and the low hum of the machines outside the door, trying not to fall asleep. I guess the second I passed out, Arthur called for an ambulance, I didn't regain consciousness until they were getting ready to pump my stomach, which was one of the worst experiences of my life. That was two days ago, now they were keeping me here to make sure nothing would happen, plus they had me going to some damn therapy thing.

**You're so worthless, you can't even kill yourself right. How pathetic. **

Of course Gilbert hadn't come to see if I was okay or anything, Elizaveta and uncle Roderich did, they both gave me an earful, especially Veta, she kept going on about how she told me to talk to them if I needed to and all that shit. I guess I should be thankful that they even care. It's not like too many others do. Not bothering to look over when the door opened, I turned my head away from the door as they walked closer. I didn't have to look to know who it was. Arthur.

"Hey..." Sighing I turned to look at him, I really wasn't the happiest with him, and by the look on his face, he knew it. "How are you feeling?" Not answering, I looked over toward the window, seeing the skyline of the small city we lived in. "Look, I know you're upset with me... It's obvious, but I wasn't just going to let you die... You're my friend Ludwig, one of my few. I understand that you have a bad life with your brother, but there are people who can help. Who want to help."

"Arthur, you just don't understand..." The left side of the bed dipped down as he sat on the edge, looking over at him, his eyes had tears in them, and the look on his face was almost heartbreaking.

"Then help me understand Ludwig. You're not alone here." Rolling my eyes, I shook my head, then looked at him with a shudder, Gott, I thought they were just teasing him, I didn't think it was true till now.

"I never saw it till now." He looked at me confused. "You're such a fag." The room went quiet, except for the beeping, after a moment he stood again, walking toward the door without a word, but before he exited, he stopped, not bothering to glance back.

"I don't know why I thought you'd be any bloody different... I'm sorry I saved your life." As he stormed off, the doctor walked in, glancing back at Arthur confused, then sighed and turned to me.

"Well Ludwig, it seems that you're going to be okay, but, we've got you on a weekly scheduled therapist visit. The clinic isn't far from your school, so that should make it easier for you, oh, and, your brothers here to get you." He set my clothes on the foot of the bed, then walked over to me, removing the thing for the heart monitor, and turning it off before the alarm rang. "I'll be back in a few minutes." Hearing the door close, I grabbed my clothes, changing quickly. I couldn't wait to get out of here, of course they couldn't actually keep me without bruders concent and he would never allow that. Who would clean the house and cook for him? Sitting down to tie my shoes, the door opened again, this time, Gilbert was behind the doctor, looking rather annoyed. "You're free to go, try not to come back soon." Shoving my hands in my pockets, I walked by the doctor silently, following after bruder, horrified to see that Ivan was in the hospital lobby. Glancing back, the doctor was watching me curiously, I didn't realize I had stopped walking till Gilbert grabbed my arm.

"Ludwig! Come on!" Hurrying after, I climbed into the back of the car, staring out the window. What had happened since I was gone? Why was Ivan still with bruder? Oh Gott, how much of the house was going to be trashed? Resting my head against the window, I heard Ivan complaining about having to come get me, bruder turned to me, but I didn't look. "If you're going to try an kill yourself again, don't fail. It costs to much damn money."

**Don't fail next time. You're such a burden on everyone. Once you're gone, who would even remember you?**

* * *

><p>Second period, Chem II, it turned my first day back crappy, since I had been forced to sit out in gym, it was the first time I had noticed Arthur in my class, he's a sophomore, not only was he giving me dirty looks, but I could hear people whispering about me.<p>

"_Sure he's a bit strange, but he just didn't seem like that._"

"_Who?_"

"_You didn't hear? Ludwig attempted to over dose. Arthur found him._"

Shifting in my seat, the whispering stopped, rolling my eyes, I looked back down at my book, today wasn't going to be fun.

"_You're kidding, right?_"

"_No. Do you think it was a cry for attention?_"

"_Nah, he may be many things, but he's not one for liking attention._"

Drumming my fingers on the desk, I glanced over at the three girls huddled together, I should have stayed home today.

"_I heard it was because of Arthur._"

"_You guys know that it was a lie that they were dating, right?_"

"_It was? Sorry, but I could picture it..._"

To far. Way to far. Looking over at them, one glanced over at me, and smiled a bit, they other two looked over.

"You know I can hear what you're saying, right? I'm only sitting two desks away." The teacher looked up, scanning the room before settling his eyes on me.

"Ludwig, what's going on?" Looking back down at my book, I was thankful that the girls stayed quiet, they just stared at me shocked.

"Nothing sir, they've shut up now." Glancing up, Arthur was watching me from the front row, he turned away quickly.

"_Well, it's obvious who Arthur likes._"

"_That's old news. It's been obvious for weeks._"

"_Yeah, why do you think he followed Ludwig in the first place?_"

**Big surprise, you're friends with a fag.**

Sighing, I put my head down on the desk, people need to mind their own business. I was thankful for last period, I was tired of hearing the whispers, the new rumors, all about me, I hated the attention. Walking into the new office, Kiku looked up, and smiled at me sadly.

"Grad you're back." Smiling back, Feliciano turned to me quickly, almost sending me to the floor when he attacked me with a hug, leaning on the wall for support, Kiku pulled the Italian away, who was talking a million words a second.

"Are you okay? Why would you do that? Why didn't you tell us! We're you're friends! We were so worried about you! Don't worry us like that!" Stopping for a second to even compute what he had said, he sat there glaring up at me with honey eyes, his arms crossed and his cheeks puffed out. I couldn't help but laugh. "Ve! What's so funny!" Kiku glanced over at him, laughing a little bit as well. "What?" Laughing harder, he narrowed his eyes, storming over to his computer, calming down to where I could talk again, Feli glared over at me as I spoke.

"I'm sorry, that was just hilarious, you just can't do an angry look, and I'm sorry if I worried you guys..." Kiku glanced over at Feli then looked at me again, serious once again, sitting down at the computer I used, he walked over to me, leaning on the counter beside me.

"Feri is right though. We are your friends, you shourd terr us when you're that bothered... You aren't arone." Sighing, I put my elbows on the counter, then put my face in my hands, Arthur had said that too, but most of the time, it sure as hell felt like I was.

"Ve~ Lutz, why would you do that?" Rubbing my temples, I kept my gaze down on the desk, what could I tell them? They only knew that Gilbert was an angry drunk, I couldn't tell them what he does to me, what he tried to do. I'm doing my best to help him myself, and if I'm forced to move, who would help him then? Ivan sure as hell wouldn't. Sure they were my friends, but they would never understand why I do what I do.

"Just... Reasons..." Neither of them said anything, they just sat there watching me, it was a while before either of them said anything, Feliciano put his hand on my shoulder, leaning down to look up at me.

"Ve~ You'll talk to us if you ever feel like that again, right? We don't want to lose you Ludwig, you've been our friend ever since fifth grade! You're to important to us." I look over at him and smiled a bit, they always seemed to cheer me up.

**He's lying. Else they would have come to visit you in the hospital. No one cares about you. **

Dropping my gaze a bit, I sighed, why did this damn voice always have to have good points, it's not even fair...

Glancing up as I walked into the clinic, I brushed my soaking bangs out of my eyes, of course it had to start raining... I hate when it rains, because my hair never stays back and then it gets in my eyes. Scanning the waiting room, I was glad that it was mostly empty, though I shuddered seeing my uncles office, but was thankful that he wasn't allowed to be my therapist. Walking up to the desk, the lady smiled at me.

"Ah, I take it you're Ludwig?" I nodded, and she smiled again, looking down through a book on her desk, she pointed toward the hall on the left. "Room 39. Just wait outside if the door is closed." Nodding again, I headed down the hallway, stopping outside the door. Mr. Carriedo? Wait... Antonio Carriedo? One of bruders best friends in high school? Oh Gott... Jumping as the door opened, Romano Vargas, Feliciano's older twin, walked out, cursing at the therapist in Italian before storming out. It was indeed Antonio that walked out of the room, he stared at me for a second, then smiled.

"Hello mi amigo. Long time no see, come on in and have a seat." Following him in, I set my bag on the ground next to the chair I sat in, he moved behind a desk, I glanced around, then looked over at him.

"I thought you went back to Spain?" He smirked, then nodded, before rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, you see, I did, but Lovi and Feli's grandfather left again, so he asked me to watch over them, I came back about a year ago." He put a file away, then pulled out another, looking through it quickly. "You're uncle Roderich requested that I be the one to talk to you. One, because he knows you don't like strangers, and two, because I know how your brother is. Si?" I nodding, crossing my legs on the chair, looking around again.

"How long do I have to continue coming back?" He glanced up from the file, chuckling, closing the folder, he rested his elbow on the desk, then put his chin in his palm.

"That depends on you. If you're getting better, you'll be free to go, but if not, you may even have to come back twice a week. Okay?" Sighing, I nodded again, well, he always was easy to lie to, so, that shouldn't be to much of a problem. "So, the file says you tried to kill yourself... Why?" Sitting there silently, I stared down at the ground, Antonio knows that bruder is abusive when he drinks, which is why they never go drinking together anymore. "Lutz, it's safe for you to talk here. It's only between us. Nothing you say will leave this room amigo." I hesitated, then rubbed my neck, wincing slightly when pressing on the still fading bruises.

"...Gilbert had tried to strangle me that morning..." His green eyes got wide, and he sat up straighter, seeming shocked. "When I got to school, I talked to the student council president about getting rid of unexcused absences, but had to get rid of a guy who was picking on him and calling him a fag... First period the football team targeted me for injuring that player. Second period I was being called a fag as well. By forth period I was being harassed. Then fifth and sixth were the only safe classes I had..." He was writing quickly, then sighed, lookin up at me sadly.

"Why did Gilbert do that? Do you know?" Picking at my jeans, he sat silently, waiting for me to speak, it was kind of awkward telling Antonio about all of this...

"I had been cleaning all day, and hadn't slept good for the past few nights. So he went out, and I finished then went to bed. He came home the next morning, and was angry that I hadn't cooked for him. So he called me worthless an-and tried to kill me..." Suddenly I was back against the wall, with Gilbert's hands around my throat, I could see Ivan standing behind him, the determined look in his eyes.

"Ludwig? Ludwig!" It was gone again, and I was once more in Antonio's office, he sighed shaking his head while he wrote quickly. "I can understand why you would do what you did just by this, but, is there anything thing else? Anything at all?" Slowly I nodded before glancing out the window, seeing the rain pouring down heavily. I had never told this to anyone...

"Sometimes, when Gilbert's calling me worthless, or when my friends are trying to make me feel better, I-I hear a voice in my head. It always agrees with Gilbert, and tells me my friends are lying... It told me to kill myself..." He nodded, writing more, setting down the pencil, he sighed, then looked up at me sadly.

"When did this all start happening? The voice and Gilbert's abuse?" Scanning for a clock, I sighed, only four, I had only been here thirty five minutes...

"A little after vati died Gilbert starting drinking heavily and became abusive, and not long later the voice kind of followed..." He nodded again, rubbing the back of his neck he also looked at the clock, then seemed to think of what more to say.

"Do you think it's your fault that Gilbert is like this toward you?" Slowly I nodded. "Why?"

"Because I can never do anything right... I always know on Monday's he makes me stay home to clean, then over the weekends he throws parties, but I always mess up by not being ready for it. So I have to fight to stay awake to do what I'm supposed to, or else I completely forget to do something..." Once more he nodded, silently he placed a paper in the folder, then put it away, before turning back to me sadly.

"Okay... Well, today was more of a test run, to see what we need to work on, so, you're free to go, but I want to see you back here next Wednesday same time, okay?" Nodding, I stood up again, grabbing my bag he opened the door, I froze, right out in the hall, Arthur had been walking by, he jumped and glanced over, then stopped as well, staring at me horrified. "Oh, sorry Arthur, didn't mean to startle you." Heading out passed Antonio, I sighed as Arthur walked just a little a head of me, he glanced back hesitantly.

"You-you won't tell anyone that I come here, will you?" Shaking my head, he sighed relieved, then grabbed an umbrella from his bag, opening it as we walked out. "Um, I can walk with you if you'd rather not get wet." I shrugged just walking out into the rain, my bangs being plastered to my forehead instantly.

"I'm fine with the rain. It's okay, I don't want to be a bother." Heading toward home, I kept my eyes down, looking up confused when the rain stopped, only to see a red umbrella. Turning, Arthur smirked a bit, then put his free hand in his pocket.

"I go this way anyway..." Defeated, I just walked next to him, keeping my gaze moving, never letting it settle for to long.

"So, um, why do you go to therapy? If you don't mind me asking." He shifted, then kicked at the puddle in front of us, making the water splash up onto his pants, chuckling he glanced over and smirked again.

"I'm really self-conscious... My mum says I need help getting over that. Or I'll never do anything with my life. Which sounds bloody ridiculous to me." Smirking, I glanced down, then hesitated, glancing at my watch, I wish Gilbert hadn't of given me a time to be home by.

"About yesterday. I really didn't mean what I said, I was just angry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Shivering as a strong wind blew past, Arthur smiled a bit, then glanced over his shoulder, I stopped at the corner of my street, he paused as well. "Well, this is my street, I'll see you tomorrow, and we're okay, right?" He nodded, smiling, then hesitated, looking around again, before turning back to me.

"Can I tell you something, without you freaking out on me?" I nodded. "Well, I heard what the girls said second period too, and well, I figured I should tell you before some strange rumors start but... I really do like you..." I looked down silently, I had always wondered if they were telling the truth. "I just wanted to tell you myself, because I know you don't go that way, and rumors are bound to start. So... Anyway... I'll see you tomorrow...?" Watching him turn and run off quickly, I sighed and headed toward the house, just not really sure what to say or think anymore. Walking into the house, I was surprised to find Gilbert was working under the kitchen sink, closing the door he jumped then moved back to look at me, rubbing his head.

"Where the hell have you been you worthless brat?" Pushing the toolbox over to him as he looked around, he grabbed a wrench, then looked up at me.

"I had that therapy thing, remember?" Watching him move under the sink again, he grumbled, grabbing the flashlight off the top of the fridge, I turned it on, then pointed it under the cabinets where he was working.

"Thanks..." I froze. He actually said thanks? He thanked me? I did something right?

**For once.**

Maybe he wasn't a lost hope! Smiling to myself, I leaned back, keeping the light steady for him, hopefully I wouldn't have to go to therapy to long then.

**Don't get your hopes up. You're more of a mess than you think. More than anyone thinks. Just you wait.**

**Authors Note: **

**Well there's chapter two! Let me know what you think! **


	3. That Awkward Moment When

"Hey fag!" Keeping my eyes down on my book, I kinda figured they were talking to Arthur, though I know that's horrible for me to say, well, until a crumpled piece of paper landed on my desk after bouncing off my shoulder. Glancing over toward where I knew the voice and paper had come from, the football players that were in my second period class were all laughing, though no one else seemed to understand what was so funny. Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back to my book, just ignoring them like always, till another paper wad bounced off my head. Sighing, I looked over at them again, most of them were trying to avoid laughing.

"Do you want something?" They laughed more, making Arthur, and many of the other students turn to them confused, they needed to grow up. "You're wasting your time, and breath."

**That's right, hide behind you're poker face. Don't let them see the real you, you'd never live it down. **

Rolling my eyes when they didn't say anything and just continued to laugh, I went back to my book, hoping after a while silence would return to the room and I could read in peace.

**If you live much longer anyway.**

Sighing to myself, I froze when I noticed the calendar on the board, shit, it's Friday! Closing my book, I pulled the list bruder always had me use when shopping for stuff for his parties, though thankfully this time he told me I only needed to get chips and pop. Let me think, last time I checked chips were three fifty, and a two liter of pop was two ninety-nine... Twelve bags of chips would be forty-two dollars... Seventeen bottles of pop would be fifty and eighty-three cents... Plus he blew the speakers out of the old stereo, so I'll need to replace those, which the ones he want are of course fifty three eighty... All that together would be one forty-six and sixty-three cents... With eight percent tax... One fifty-eight and thirty-six cents... I sighed then ran a hand through my hair, I'm going to have to use some of my own money, oh well, it's not to much, I could easily do work around the neighborhood for now to get it back. Jumping as the bell rang, I slid the list into my folder where I normally had it, then walked out of the class, surprised to find Alfred there waiting, he smiled.

"Yo, dude. Whatcha doin this weekend? Wanna come hang out at our place, we're having a movie marathon thing, and inviting a few people. You should totally come!" Hesitating, I noticed Arthur glare at his younger brother as he walked out and joined us.

"I wish you would not be so bloody loud, fat ass. I'm sure the whole school can hear you whenever you talk." Chuckling as Alfred looked down at himself, he put his arms around his stomach, his lower lip jutting out a little.

"I'm not fat! I'm fluffy!" Arthur and I looked at each other, and I couldn't help but laugh, Alfred crossed his arms, puffing out his cheeks annoyed, I think he's where Arthur got the idea from, because it actually looked like a pout on Alfred, still chuckling a bit, I shrugged.

"I can't make any promises, my bruder is throwing a party, so there's a lot of things I need to get, and things I need to do." They nodded, then Alfred held out a slip of paper, with phone numbers under their names.

"If you can, give one of us a call, both our cells are on there." As I nodded he ran off, glancing over at Arthur, he looked up at me nervously.

"Also, don't be afraid to call one of us if you need help, we'll always be there for you." He ran off as well, sighing, I tucked the paper into my pocket, heading toward my next class.

**He's such a fag- You're a fag for being friends with him. **

Groaning, I ran a hand through my hair, great, it was going to start calling me that now, just like a toddler that's learned a new interesting word. Glancing back the way Arthur had ran, I sighed and shook my head. There's something wrong with me... Very wrong...

Emptying the cart at the register, Matthew smiled a me, I think he tried to warn me but I didn't really notice, suddenly Alfred came up behind me, making me jump, startled.

"Yo Lutz!" Glaring at him from the side, he leaned over the counter a bit to talk to Matthew. "So Mattie, think you can come tonight?" So that's one other who was invited, but who was all going?

"I-I'm sure I can, but I'll give you a call when I get off work, eh?" Al beamed, making the trembling boy blush and look down at his work nervously.

"Wow, dude, I hope you're not walking home, that's a lot of shit!" Shrugging, I pulled the money out of my pocket, setting it on the counter as Matthew rang up the last few things.

"I do this every Friday, I'm used to it by now." Sliding bags onto my arm, I noticed Alfred hesitate, and I sighed as he grabbed bags too. "Al-"

"No. I'm helping you if you like it or not." I didn't argue anymore, he was a very stubborn person, I guess I could be too though... Matthew smiled at me as he counted the money and handed me the recept.

"Exact amount as always. See you later, eh?" I tucked the recept away, smiling back with a nod, as Alfred followed me out, he called to Matthew.

"Can't wait to hear from you Mattie!" Smirking as Al came to stand beside me, he looked a me and shrugged with a smile.

Upon getting home and seeing Gil's car gone, and Ivan's truck not around, I actually let Alfred come inside the house, which I have never let someone do.

"Dude! I don't see why you never let us come over! You're house is awesome and huge!" Glancing over at him as he looked around in awe, I set the pop and chips on the counter throwing the bags in the trash and grabbing the speakers.

"When Gil's not around, and the place is clean it's okay." Heading into the living room, he followed, standing and watching me wire the speakers. Turning to him as I finished, he was inspecting a dent in the wall, remembering it, I rubbed my head, still able to feel a small bump on my head. Freezing when the front door opened, I turned to Alfred, he looked back at me confused. As Gil walked into the living room, he stopped, seeing Alfred and me.

"Ludwig, who's this?" Standing up from the floor, I glanced over at Al again, trying to think of something to say as quickly as I could.

"Um, he helped me carry things home, and he was wondering if I could stay with him tonight." The room was quiet for a minute, then he shrugged, just shrugged, before moving over to the stereo to check out the speakers.

"Sure. How much were these? I'll pay you back when I get my check." I stared at Gilbert shocked, and it was a moment before I spoke, almost to stunned to speak.

"The recept is on the table. Um, thanks." Moving into my room, Alfred followed, glancing back with a strange look, then looked at me confused.

"By how you talk about him, I figured he be, you know, meaner?" Starting to pack a bag with clothes, with extras, just in case, I looked over, still kinda shocked myself.

"Well, he's sober for one, but he's never been like this before... Then again, you're the first friend I've had come into the house." Zipping my bag up, I flinched upon hearing Gilbert yell for me, and so let the fun begin.

"Ludwig! Come here!" Sighing, I moved to glancing into the living room, ducking back due to reflexes when I saw he had a beer bottle in his hand.

"Y-yes bruder?" Edging back out, he took a drink, giving me a curiously amused look, as if he had no clue what was wrong with me.

"I do want you to stay for an hour or two, to help clean a bit, okay? Then you're free for the rest of the weekend." I nodded, then glanced back at Al as he came up behind me, giving bruder a weary look.

"Hey, you have my number, I need to run and get snacks. We'll wait for you." Nodding again, he glanced at Gilbert one last time, then darted out of the house. Only mere seconds later the beer bottle shattered right by my head.

"You fucking lazy ass, no good brat! You can carry a few fucking bags from the store! You're only able to go cause I don't want your pathetic ass around here! Else I'd be making you scrub this house all weekend!" Flinching back as he came forward, I was horrified when my back hit the wall, only as he got closer did I smell more alcohol than one beer on his breath. Oh Gott, he is drunk... "Heaven knows why I was stuck with a good for nothing little bruder like you! Do me a favor and go kill yourself for real this time! I don't want to deal with you anymore!"

**No one cares about you anymore... Not your "friends" and not your brother. Your life means nothing to any of them. **

For the first time in years, I felt anger swell in my chest, not at myself, but at Gilbert, and at the same time, I felt horrible for it.

"Why am I not good enough? I'm only one person bruder! Only one! I can't do this all by my fucking self anymore! I can't shop, clean, cook, go to school, do homework, and protect you all at once! Now with this damn therapy, what am I supposed to do!" Tears ran down my cheeks, but the hate in his eyes didn't falter. "All I want is to make you happy but you won't let me!"

**How can you make him happy if you can't even do anything right? **

He grabbed my hair, pulling my head back to look up at him, his red eyes were narrowed dangerously, trying to squirm out of his grasp, he held onto my hair tighter, then slammed my head against the wall.

"You want to make me happy? Clean the fucking house then get your shit and get out, I don't want to see you back here all weekend! Then Monday we'll see about if you can come back, but don't get your fucking hopes up!" Nodding quickly, he shoved my head back against the wall, leaving a ringing in my ears, pausing for only a second, I quickly knelt down, picking up the glass, ignoring the cuts and pricks I was getting. Scrambling to pick up any beer bottles around, then got all the dirty dishes, washing them as quickly as I could, putting up the last of the dishes, the floor must have been wet, because I slid, falling to the ground, the three plates crashing and shattering around me. Laying there with the wind knocked out of me, Gilbert came into the room, crossing his arms angrily, sitting up and gathering the pieces, I froze when a shard of glass was pressed to my throat. "Give me one good fucking reason not to kill you right now?"

"You'd regret it later, da?" Feeling the glass move I turned quickly, scrambling away when I saw Ivan in the doorway, smiling, he closed the door, then his smile turned sinister. "Torturing him on the other hand, I'd gladly help with that." When Gilbert wasn't paying attention, I tried to escape from being trapped behind him, but Ivan moved and grabbed my arms holding them behind my back roughly. "Come on, do what you want, da? Just, don't kill him." Watching Gilbert climb to his feet, a smirk spread across his face, one I really didn't like.

"Bruder! Please! Don't! I try! I really do! Please!" He raised the glass to my face, lightly running the edge of it down my cheek, and I was surprised when my tears started stinging something, he grinned.

"Perfect, it's sharp." Fear gripped my heart as he placed the glass back against my cheek, this time though, he actually pushed down, dragging the glass across my cheek, down to my chin. Crying out, I jerked away, only for the glass to diagonally through my lips, making me yell even more, Gilbert grabbed the sides of my face quickly. "You're a fucking idiot!" Any hope I had for him disappeared as he started laughing, hanging my head, tears continued to burn my cuts, and the taste of iron in my mouth was strong, but all I could think of was how I'd failed him.

**You'll never do anything right. You're life means nothing. What good are you for the world? None! You're a waste of space! Waste of air! Your brother never cared. Your parents never cared. Those so called friends of yours never cared. None of them ever will!**

Closing my eyes tightly, I bit my already bleeding lip, trying to ignore the pain as Gilbert cut up my arms, chest, and stomach, if no one cared, then why would they act like they did? Why must they lie? If they all are lying, then why go so far to act like my friend?

**Because you're so much fun to fool. To betray. Because you're so used to it, you don't even react anymore. They can get away with it when it's you, so they pretend, to make someone feel worse than they do. **

When Gilbert punched me in the stomach, I doubled over, feeling nauseous suddenly, while I was doubled, Ivan let go of me, and something connected with my back sending me to the glass covered floor. Slowly climbing up onto my knees, Ivan dropped my bag next to me, as Gilbert grabbed my hair again, dragging me to the door. Barely catching myself on the edge of the stairs as Gilbert shoved me out, I tumbled down and landed with a thud and a small crack as one of them kicked me down. Moving just a little bit saved me from being hit with my bag, pulling it closer to me, I used it to help me sit up, then looked back at the doorway, where Gilbert and Ivan were laughing.

"Remember! Don't come back till Monday!" Hearing the door slam, I sat there for a second, then slowly and painfully climbed to my feet, looking at my arms, the gashes were thankfully starting to stop bleeding. I attempted to count how many their were, but they twisted to much, and there were to many, picking my bag up, I started walking to where I knew there was a pay phone, only just able to stop myself from falling as my right leg gave out. I sighed, then wiped my eyes, pressing on.

**You really are an idiot, thinking they'll care enough to help you!**

Only one way to find out if they're lying or not, leaning on the glass of the pay phone, I looked at the darkening sky, it had to be almost eight... Rummaging through my bag, I grabbed some change, then pulled their numbers out of my pocket. Alfred barely ever answers, so my best bet would be Arthur. Oh Gott, I hope he picks up. Putting in the money, I quickly dialed, holding the phone to my ear, as I placed my forehead against the cool glass. After about three rings, I was relieved that someone answered.

"Hello?" Now I froze, what was I supposed to tell him? I couldn't' tell him the truth... Would he believe that I got this if I say I fell on broken glass? "Hello...?

"A-Arthur...?" There was silence for a second, and I wiped my eyes again. "It's Ludwig, and I really need some help..." He shouted to someone on the other side, then spoke, almost panicking, to me.

"Okay where are you? Are you near your house?" Shifting all my weight off my injured leg, I glanced around, to make sure no one had seen me yet.

"Yeah, only a block north, at the pay phone, where we split up the other day." He spoke once more to someone on the other end of the line.

"Okay, don't leave, we'll be there shortly. Francis just dropped Matthew off and is gonna give us a ride to get you. I want you to stay on the phone as long as you can. What happened?" I stayed silent, trying to think of a lie to tell him, if I told him I fell, Alfred would know bruder had been home, so that lie would probably fall through... "Ludwig...?"

"I-I... I can't say... I just can't..." I could hear a car in the back ground only seconds before time on the phone ran out. Shit... That was the last of my change... Climbing out of the booth, I leaned against it, then slid down to the ground, needed to give my leg a rest, sliding up my pant leg, the area around my knee was swollen, with light black and purple forming around it. Great... Hearing a car, I looked up just in time to see a red car stop on the side of the street, and before it even stopped, Arthur jumped out, hurrying over to me.

"Oh my God..." He knelt down beside me, unable to hold his gaze, I dropped my head, feeling stinging in the back of my eyes. "At least tell me you didn't do this to yourself." I shook my head violently, then looked up as Matthew and Francis came over.

"No... I-I fell while washing dishes, and landed on the glass... Bruder wasn't home, and before he said it'd be best if I wasn't there for his party... So I just left..." Oh the tales my mind weaves... Carefully climbing to my feet, Matthew picked up my bag, as Arthur and Francis helped me to the car, though the later was staring at the ground, like he knew something, but wasn't going to tell. Arthur sat with me in the back, keeping quiet, but making sure none of the visible injuries were to bad, as we got to the house, Arthur ran inside to get Alfred to help, that's when Francis turned to me.

"It was Gilbert, wasn't it? 'E was drunk, no doubt." Hesitating, I nodded, then stared down at the floor of the car.

"Ivan has had to tell him twice not to kill me... Please don't tell Arthur or Alfred... They worry about me to much as is..." He nodded, then looked down himself, and sighed, then when he looked up again, I knew what he was going to say.

"Okay, I won't tell them, but I am telling your uncle... You can't keep living like this Ludwig. I used to sit by and just watch what he did, but I can't anymore..." But Francis and bruder haven't been friends for years...

**You've been worthless your whole life. I said no one cares about you. No one ever did. No one ever will.**

"F-Francis... You weren't supposed to say that... Remember?" So even Matthew knew, and he didn't tell me? I mean, sure we're not as close as we used to be as little kids, but still... Barely glancing over as Arthur returned with Alfred, Matthew climbed out of the car, looking at me sadly, as they helped me inside, I glanced back at Francis, he only glanced over before driving away. Upon getting inside the house, I was surprised to find Feli and Kiku with first aid supplies, Arthur stood back as I sat down, then crossed his arms, looking at me sternly.

"Now tell us the truth. What happened to you. You falling on broken glass is bullshit, that wouldn't have done this!" Alfred glanced around at the others, then turned to his brother, who was still giving me a cross look.

"Here, we'll go into the other room, maybe that will make thing easier, we'll play a game or something." He ushered the other three into another room, closing the door behind him, Arthur sighed then pulled a chair up in front of me, grabbing a bowl of water and a wet rag.

"Fine, at least let me dress the cuts..." I nodded, then he touched my shirt a bit, seeing a tear in it, then sighed. "Are there more?" Sliding up my shirt only just a little bit to show my stomach, he froze, his emerald eyes wide and horrified. "Just... Just take off your shirt so I can get them all... Okay?" Hesitating for a moment, I nodded, keeping my eyes on the floor, I pulled my shirt over my head, and he shook his head as he started dabbing one of the gashes on my shoulder. Flinching back, he looked up quickly, pulling the rag back. "S-sorry!" I sighed, this was going to take a while.

After Arthur thought he had my chest, stomach, and arms patched up enough, he lightly touched the gash on my cheek that had cut through my lips, then sighed.

"This one may need stitches, but I don't really know..." Great. He lightly dabbed my cheek, closing my eyes due to how close the rag was, I could have probably fallen asleep, but he lightly shook my shoulder after a few minutes. "Let me see your leg..." Sliding my pant leg up carefully, he moved from his chair, and set my foot up there, barely even touching it sent pain shoot up my leg. He leaned over me to grab something off the table behind the couch, I leaned back a bit when my heart possibly skipped.

**Fag.**

When he finally moved back a bit, he stopped and looked down at me, as I adverted my gaze his cheeks turning a deep red caught my attention for a fraction of a second, smirking to myself, I glanced over at what he was doing.

"This may hurt for a little bit, but wrapping it will force the swelling down and help it heal faster, okay?" Nodding, I held the end of the ace bandage as he started to tightly wrap it around my knee, watching him, I couldn't believe how worried he looked. As he tied off the wrap, he turned his gaze to me, then smiled a bit, helping me roll down my pant leg. "I'll forget about you telling me what happened for now, but I do want you to tell me, when you're ready though." Nodding, I grabbed my bag, and pulled out a non cut up tank top, slipping it over my head.

"Thanks for helping me..." He nodded, carefully helping me stand, as my leg gave out I tried catching myself, thankfully though, Arthur stopped me from falling, but when I tried to stand, he stumbled steadying himself. My eyes flew open as he moved back after a second, realizing what was happening, his face went deep red again, and he stood there shocked, his eyes wide, and his hands flew over his mouth, I looked away as heat washed over my cheeks. That moment when you and another boy are at the exact correct position that when one of you falls, you kiss... Yeah, that awkward moment? It just happened...

**He's turning you into a fag.**

We both stood there in silence, not looking at each other, and when the door opened from the other room, we both jumped and turned quickly, Alfred looked at us puzzled.

"Are you guys ready to come in and watch a movie now?" Glancing over at Arthur, he looked away quickly. Nervously shifting weight to my injured leg, I was glad that it kept me up, taking a slow step, I glanced back again.

"Come on, let's not keep them waiting any longer." Alfred beamed then disappeared, Arthur moved and stopped right in front of me, his cheeks still a deep red, and he was looking around nervously. "Arthur, we can pretend that never happened, right?" He nodded, then became more hesitant.

"Only..." He faded off, looking around again, he startled me by suddenly kissing me straight on the lips, for a second time if even the first was an accident, and pulling away a few moments later. "Only if you don't hate me for doing that..." Feeling my cheeks start burning again, I nervously cleared my throat, looking away.

"I-I don't..." He smiled sheepishly, then helped me walk into the other room, sitting down on one of the empty couches. Arthur flipped off the light and sat on the opposite side of me, even in the dark, his blush was still noticable. Smirking, I glanced at the TV for a second, before my eyes wandered back to the Brit. I couldn't hate him for that... No matter how much I hated to admit it, he was a damned good kisser...

**To late. You fag.**

_Oh, shut up already._

**Authors Note: O.O I don't like the abuse part of this chapter... e.e It could have been better. XD Though I guess I am used to Saw... Anyway! Here's chapter three and I hope you enjoyed it!... I kept getting sidetracked by manga so, luckily I even got it done. *whistles innocently* Well, expect chapter four hopefully next week! :D (P.S The last line IS meant to be italicized. It's a different voice in his head. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!)**


	4. Love Or Lust?

Friday, after, ...and during..., the whole kissing Arthur thing, was actually a lot of fun, and I almost forgot about my bruder, until I moved wrong, causing my leg to start hurting, and a few of my scabs tore off. We didn't finally crash till probably close to four in the morning, after we watched probably three movies. I learned to never sit by Alfred when watching a scary movie, Matthew made that mistake, and Al never let the poor boy go, though, something tells me he didn't really mind it all that much. I also realized that Kiku doesn't mind either, because Feliciano never even peeked from where he was sitting behind the other, holding onto his hands as if he was dying. I found it amusing. Arthur curled up on the edge of the couch a bit, but other than that, he didn't jump or scream, I figured he'd be the one afraid of them.

Waking up to the smell of food, I opened my eyes, and blinked a few times before glancing around, thankfully I wasn't the only one awake, Alfred and Matthew were sitting huddled, each with a plate of waffles. Al looked up and grinned, then shouted to someone else.

"Hey mom! Could you bring a plate for cripple? He woke up!" Glaring at him, he just pushed his glasses up, laughed, then went back to eating, looking back as a woman with blonde hair walked into the room, she smiled at me, then held out a plate.

"Here you go- Oh my..." I lowered my gaze, she had noticed all the cuts on me, she turned to Alfred, who swallowed and sighed.

"I told you, we're still trying to get him to tell us what happened." Thinking back to yesterday, I held my eyes shut tightly, trying to avoid crying when it sounded like Gilbert was there talking right in my ear.

**"**_Heaven knows why I was stuck with a good for nothing little bruder like you! Do me a favor and go kill yourself for real this time! I don't want to deal with you anymore!_**"**

"...wig? Ludwig!" Opening my eyes quickly, Alfred was right in front of, it wasn't just Matthew that looked worried, so did Alfred and his mom. "You were shaking... Badly... Are you okay?" I nodded, looking down embarrassed, the plate was set down beside me on the couch, then Al's mom ruffled my hair.

"I want you to know, that if you ever need a safe place to stay, you're always welcome here, okay?" I nodded, then smiled to myself, and looked up at her.

"Thank you ma'am." She ruffled my hair again, then turned to Alfred, giving him a mischevious smirk.

"Why can't you be as nice as your friends? I'd trade one of these two for you any day." Al's jaw dropped, I looked down, trying not to laugh, Matthew hid a smile behind his hand, also looking down.

"Mom!" She laughed then hurried out of the room, shaking my head, I took the plate onto my lap, then turned to Alfred, as he sat there with his cheeks puffed out, in his normal pout.

"I'm jealous of you..." He hesitated, the looked up, smiling sadly, before glancing around to make sure she was gone.

"Yesterday, when they went to go get you, I warned my mom, and she said as long as you need sanctuary, you're allowed to stay here... You'd have to explain everything, but she'd let you if she knew your life was at risk." Matthew glanced over at Al, then pushed his waffle around a bit, then turned to me.

"Why do you let him do that to you..." I hesitated, taking a bite of the waffles, trying to stall, I still didn't want to tell them, because surely they wouldn't understand why I do what I do, even if Gilbert get's mad and does stuff like this to me. I always go back...

"I don't want to talk about it." He kept his gaze on me, and when I looked up, he sighed then nodded, going back to eating silently, Alfred glanced over as well, turning my gaze away as he moved closer to the more timid blonde, I noticed something I hadn't before. Feliciano and Kiku, who were both still asleep, were sleeping together, not only right next to each other, but I could see Feli's arms around the other. I couldn't help but smirk, glancing over at Alfred and Matthew they looked up confused. "How long have they been together? Do you know?" They looked at each other, then Al nodded, beaming at them.

"Feliciano finally got the nerve to ask him out last week. They were going to tell you, but got scared when..." Ah, they got scared I would be disgusted, stop hanging around them, and actually succeed in killing myself... I sat silently for a second, then chuckled, turning to Alfred again.

"Finally." They were stunned, then laughed and nodded, looking over at them with smirks. I'm sure they heard about me calling Arthur a fag when I was angry at him, that probably didn't help that they were afraid to tell me, but I really didn't have a problem with it, I was just pissed.

"It was so obvious that they liked each other, everyone knew it, eh?" Nodding, I turned my attention to Arthur as he shifted on the other side of the couch, the way he was curled up made me think of a little kid... A very adorable little kid...

**You are so GAY!**

He shifted again, then moved to rub his eyes and sit up, looking down at my food, I continued eating, glancing over at Alfred and Matthew, they looked at each other confused, then Al smirked and looked at his brother.

"Yo, mom has waffles in the kitchen. Might want to get some while they're hot." He groaned, then climbed to his feet, stretching as we walked out, instantly the two blondes turned to me, smirking.

"So, about last night. When you and Arthur came into the living room, why were you both blushing really bad?" Oh Gott, they saw that? Shit... Putting the last bit of food in my mouth gave me a few seconds to think, why do they have to ask these questions when I just woke up?

"I started falling when my leg gave out on me, and we kinda had an awkward moment when I caught myself." Al raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything as Arthur walked into the room, dropping his brothers phone on his lap.

"Don't forget you have an appointment at three." Now Alfred groaned, and landed with a thud on the floor as he fell back, laughing a bit, Matthew freaked out and made sure he was okay while Arthur rolled his eyes.

"But I hate the dude who's there for Dr. Edelstein." Looking over quickly, Al froze, giving me a confused look. "What?"

"You see my uncle?" Now he was silent, his eyes wide and horrified, obviously no one was supposed to know he went to therapy, since that was what my uncle Roderich did. As his phone went off, he opened it, then typed quickly, looking up at me after a second.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" I shook my head, then crossed my arms annoyed, what was it with people and thinking I would tell their secrets? Arthur asked me the same thing when I found out he went too.

**Because they don't trust you enough, and they don't trust you because they don't care about you, you're nothing to them, nothing but a waste of space. Killing yourself would make their lives so much better. If you really cared about them, that's what you should do.**

Gott, shut up already! You're so annoying!

_There is nothing wrong with you. You are who you're meant to be. Rewards come to those who wait, and endure the pain._

Great, another one. Sighing, I leaned my head back against the couch, jumping when a phone rang, looking around, the others checked their phones then shook their head, until their mom poked her head in.

"Ludwig, it's your uncle, he wants to talk to you..." Climbing up from the couch, I winced, but did my best to put pressure on my injured leg, walking it off was always something I had been taught, even when I was younger. Stepping out of the room, she handed me the phone, then moved into the living, passing by again shortly with plates.

"Hallo?" For a second I could only hear them talking quickly on the other end, how did he know I was here? Or was it Alfred that told him?

"Ludwig? I was informed that you were injured, are you okay?" Sighing, I glanced into the living room, becoming suspicious when the three of them were huddled, seeming to be talking in hushed tones.

"Yeah, thanks to Arthur I'm fine for now, but I think Gilbert's going to kick me out, he was threatening to yesterday." He was silent for second, then spoke to someone else, most likely Elizaveta by the sound of the yelling in the background.

"Tell me, nothing has gotten better with him, has it?" Hesitating, I glanced into the living room again, then moved away from the door, lowering my tone drastically, not wanting them to over hear me.

"I-I want to help him, but I'm terrified... He's tried to kill me once, threatened to another time, and told me not to fail if I try to commit suicide again..." He sighed, and it was a while before he spoke again, he sounded troubled.

"I don't care how much you argue, you're coming to live with us. I'm not risking your life by leaving you there... Only, we won't be home till Wednesday. Do you think he would have any problem with letting you stay to more days?" I hesitated, could I last two days is what he should be asking, he's getting worse by the day... "How about this, I'll give him a call and work something out. Could you give the phone back to Mrs. Jones again? Take care of yourself, and Elizaveta says she loves you." Smiling to myself, I said farewell, then poked my head into a room I took to be the kitchen, where Mrs. Jones was still cooking.

"Ma'am, he wants to know if he can speak with you?" She turned to me and nodded with a smile, ruffling my hair for a third time as she took the phone.

"You don't have to be so formal Ludwig. We're all family here." Smiling I nodded, then moved back into the living room as she shoo'd me away, Arthur looked over as I came back into the room. Sitting back down, I realized Feli and Kiku were awake now, crossing my arms, they looked over at me nervously, and I smirked.

"You two need to tell me these things sooner, because you know what, it's about damn time." They laughed, both of them turning a dark red, looking over, I caught Arthur watching me, he looked away quickly, cheeks turning a faint pink. Shaking my head, I smiled, then leaned back, I don't know how I ever doubted my friends.

Alfred returned from his appointment around five, with seven more movies, around six we put the first one in, it was a horror movie, but we all wanted to watch it. This time though. Arthur was terrified. He ended up sitting next to me, his knees held to his chest, at one point we all jumped, and my heart skipped when Arthur grabbed my hand. Glancing over nervously, I noticed he was trembling, hesitating for a second, I moved my arm around his waist, pulling him a bit closer, he froze and when I looked over, you could see the red on his cheeks. He shifted slightly, moving even closer, and my cheeks burned when his arms wrapped around me loosely, looking over, he was still trembling, just not as bad. I couldn't help but smile to myself, well, until the movie made me jump again.

**Well it's official, you have been turned gay. You're now disgusting. **

Rolling my eyes, I ignored the voice, keeping my attention on the movie, we all shouted when it ended.

"Oh come on! That was one of the worst endings ever!" Watching Alfred freak out more than the rest of us, I couldn't help but laugh, and I barely noticed Kiku look back at Arthur and me, then nudge Feli.

"Ve~ Look who's talking Lutz." Looking at him confused, he smacked his palm to his forehead, but by now, Alfred and Matthew and turned, seeing Arthur and me, sighing, I chuckled as he hid his blush by putting his face against my shoulder. "You told us it was about time." Now I was really confused. "Mio dio! And they say I'm clueless." Shaking my head as we moved down to the floor, letting someone else have the couch, Matt and Alfred moved over to where Feli and Kiku had been. Sitting with my back against the couch, Arthur sat more on his side facing me, putting my arm back around his waist, his head moved to rest on my shoulder. I didn't really pay attention to the movie really, I was more preoccupied with what Feli had said. Had it seemed as if I liked Arthur before? It was just a recent thing I thought, something that yesterday spurred... Had it been a subconscious thing? Liking him without really noticing it yet?

_It was obvious to someone at least. Then again, he's always been sensitive to that kind of thing hasn't he?_

That was true... Feliciano could always tell when I liked someone, even before I knew it myself, so what could I expect? I guess I always have felt drawn to Arthur...

"Ludwig?" Looking down, Arthur was gazing up at me curiously. "Are you okay? You seem out of it." Smiling, I lightly laid my forehead against his.

"I'm fine, I was just thinking about something. I'm sorry to have worried you." Feeling his arms move around my waist again, I pulled him even closer, he smiled nervously.

"Promise?" My heart raced as I moved, lightly pressing my lips to his, he seemed shocked, but kissed back after a second. Pulling away again, I rested my forehead back against his.

"I promise." Again he smiled as his head moved back to rest on my shoulder, when the second movie came to an end, I glanced over, Alfred was leaning against the couch asleep, while Matthew was asleep with his head on the others lap. Smirking I looked up at Feli and Kiku, they were both a bit preoccupied to even notice the movie was over, Arthur moved, speaking quietly.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Looking back up at the two on the couch, he seemed to understand, because he climbed up and helped me to my feet, briefly looking back as we left the room, they hadn't even noticed. Arthur lead me into a different room, that seemed to be a smaller living room, jeez, how big was there house? Sitting on the couch in her, he sat next to me, crossing his legs. "Now, you said you'd tell me." Looking down, I sighed, still not really wanting to talk about it, but honestly, who would?

"...I don't..." He made me look up at him, pleading silently, turning my gaze down I was startled when he suddenly leaned forward and kissed me. For a second, I froze, then pulled him closer, sliding my arms around his waist as he carefully moved to straddle my waist. Feeling his hands move to my shoulders, he pulled away only slightly, his voice taking a different tone. One I couldn't really describe.

"At least tell me who did it... Because it sure as hell was not a bloody accident..." When I hesitated again, he pressed his lips back to mine. As he shifted on my lap a bit, the air caught in my throat for a second and caused me to squirm a little, he obviously noticed, because he did it again not moments later. Grabbing his hips, he pulled away from the kiss, smirking.

"St-stop that..." For a second he actually looked confused, then his smirk grew into a grin as he moved to rest his forehead against mine.

"Stop what? This?" This time he full on pressed his hips against mine, gritting my teeth, I nodded, tightening my grip on his hips, I pulled him away again.

"J-ja, that..." He pried my hands away from his hips, holding them against the back of the couch, his fingers slipped between mine. Bringing his lips back to mine, he also pressed against me again, making me moan quietly into the kiss, pulling away, I looked at him, almost to the point of begging.

"Pl-please... Stop..." His look was defiantly a guilty one, lightly he kissed my forehead, then removed his hands from mine, setting them back on my shoulders.

"Sorry... Kinda got carried away..." Pulling his head down, I kissed him lightly, after a second he moved away again, I chuckled and he looked at me confused.

"You're going to drive me nuts, you know that, right?" He nodded with a laugh, bringing his lips only centimeters away from mine, just to prove my point.

"Oh I know, but you've done it to me for years..." Briefly his lips met mine, then he pulled away again. "So now it's your turn." Chuckling, I brought his lips back to mine, ignoring it when he slid closer to wrap his arms around my neck.

**God you're so disgusting.**

**Authors Note:**

**So there's chapter four, I don't remember if this is late or not, but, I hope you enjoyed anyway. XD **


	5. Torn

Waiting outside Antonio's office the next Thursday, I sat there thinking over the week, thankfully other than what happened Friday, everything had gone well, so there wouldn't be much I'd have to lie about.

_Don't forget us._

Tilting my head back till it hit the wall, I sighed, these damn voices were getting so annoying, I don't know which one I hated more, the pessimistic one, or the optimistic. They both got on my nerves often.

**Yeah, but he won't tell about us. Who wants to be known as the kid that talks to himself?**

Even worse, they talk and argue with each other constantly, I feel like I'm in a cartoon with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Jumping when the door opened, Romano stormed out yelling, most likely cursing, at Antonio in Italian, the Spaniard sighed, then turned to me. His green eyes got wide when he saw me, for a second he just stood there shocked, then he finally sighed sadly, moving to the side to let me in.

"Hola amigo, come on in, it seems we have much to talk about." Silently passing him in the door way, he closed the door behind me, and until he sat down, I kept my gaze on the floor, looking up only to find he was looking at me curiously.

"I didn't do this to myself." He nodded, sighing again, then moving papers on his desk, seeming to stall so he could think of something to say.

**You might as well have.**

_Shut up already! It's not his fault Gilbert's abusive!_

**Keep telling him that.**

Okay! Enough from the peanut gallery! Sighing silently, I rolled my eyes, they give me such a headache... Looking up as Antonio cleared his throat, he was watching me suspiciously, then wrote something down sadly.

"The voice you told me about... Is it still bothering you?" I shook my head without hesitating, having to refrain from groaning when they spoke at the same time.

**Liar.**

_Liar._

"Yeah, ever since I moved in with Uncle Roderich, it seems to have lost interest. It has nothing to feed off of now." He smiled a bit, then wrote quickly, asking a question before he even looked up.

"So do you like living with your uncle?" I nodded, then moved back on the chair, crossing my legs, thinking over the one day I had actually been there.

"I've only really been there one day, because he and Elizaveta were on vacation, but Arthur's mother let me stay with them." Now my thoughts shifted to the days I had spent with them, since their mother worked often, and Alfred was either at football or with Matt, it had mostly been Arthur and me.

"How did it feel when you were at Arthur's and your uncles?" Hesitating, I rubbed the back of my neck, figuring out how to describe it.

**I like your uncles house, the only fag there is you!**

Like I have any problem with being called that anymore.

**Well you should! You're sick and wrong!**

"It was strange. I'm used to either cleaning, cooking, doing homework, or sleeping as soon as I got home from school. All I had to do at Arthur's was homework, and it took me thirty minutes to talk Mrs. Jones into at least letting me help with the dishes after meals." Stopping for a second while he wrote, I glanced around the room, not taking anything in really. "Then at Roderich's, the same thing, except Elizaveta won't let me do anything. I... I don't know what to do now..." As he finished writing he nodded, pausing for a moment to take a drink from a glass.

"It'll probably take some time for you to adjust, I'd say, for now, tell your aunt that even doing little jobs would be good for you. Plus with you being injured, you don't want to push yourself to hard." Hesitating, when I spoke, I was horrified that the pessimistic voice spoke in my head at the same time.

**"**If you push the human body it will respond.**" **Freezing for a second, I sighed, great, now I knew which one had more influence on me, he gave me a curious look, but I just shook my head, looking around again.

"So tell me, what else is new?" Staring down at the ground, I was hesitant to say anything, even though he couldn't judge, everyone knew he had a thing for Feliciano's older twin, Romano.

"Well... Arthur and I are dating..." He looked at me shocked, then smiled, when he looked up from writing, I could see he wasn't sure about something, the longer he hesitated, the more nervous I got.

"Tell me what happened..." Sighing, I stared down at my arms, looking at the scabs, remembering the reactions I got when I walked into school Monday, the whispers I heard, the taunts, looking up at him again, I took a shaky breath.

"Gilbert was mad when Alfred was in the house when he got home Friday, once he left he started ordering me around. I fell doing dishes and broke some plates, but Ivan stopped him before he would kill me. Then Ivan held me and let Gilbert cut me up." He sat there silently, writing slowly, probably to give him time to think, when he spoke again, I couldn't tell if he was angry at me, or what I said.

"I don't want the short version Lutz..." Crossing my arms, I looked around the room, just ignoring him, why couldn't he take a hint? Anyhow, he knows how stubborn I am when I want to be. "Come on, you don't want to have to come back twice a week do you?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" He sat there, startled by my outburst, yelling at people isn't really something I like to do often, but he was just so damn nosey, I know it's his job and all but still! He could back off now.

"That's why you're hear... To talk about things like this... Why are you refusing to? I'm only trying to help you." He must not have been listening to a word I've been saying, or he's gotten stupider over the years, could be both, you can never tell with Antonio. Shifting on the chair, I continued to sit quietly, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Ludwig, just tell me why."

"Because my bruder hates me to the point of trying to kill me! That's why! I've escaped death three times in one fucking month! My luck can't always be that good Toni! Gilbert has tried to kill me twice! He's told me to kill myself! Calls me a waste of space and air! Why would I _want_ to talk about it?" It was a few moments before he even blinked his wide eyes, he obviously wasn't expecting that, he stared at the top of his desk silently for a while, then started writing, not looking up at me yet. When he did, I could see the guilt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry amigo... I shouldn't have pushed you with something like that..." Starting to feel calm again, I took a deep breath, and for some reason remembered what Francis had said before.

"_I used to sit by and just watch what he did, but I can't anymore.._."

Would Antonio understand? Hesitating, when he stopped writing, I looked up at him, not sure if I should ask or not, cause Matt said Francis wasn't supposed to say anything about it.

"Can... Can I ask you a question?" He nodded, smiling sadly, taking another deep breath, I thought over my question, not sure I really wanted to know the answer... "How long has Gilbert been doing this to me?" Now he froze, not sure what to do, after a second he sighed, then rubbed the back of his neck.

"...I'm not supposed to tell you, but I think you deserve to know. It's not like I owe Gilbert any favors anyway. When you guys moved here, back when he was seventeen and you were eight, he was angry with having to move, and normally took it out on you... You being the faithful little brother you are, always made up excuses." He paused, looking down at his desk, pushing the pad of paper away, before crossing his arms on the surface. "Then he went to far. Francis, Gilbert, and I were by the creek behind your house, while you at Mattie were playing on the small cliff above the rocks. He was really mad about something, I can't even remember. You guys called us up to see something, again, I can't remember, but whatever it was made him even angrier... So he pushed you off..." Sitting there staring at him, I tried thinking back, but I couldn't remember any of this, why had no one told me? I was about to ask why I couldn't remember this, but he shook his head. "You were knocked out and in critical condition. He had screamed at us to call an ambulance, before jumping down to get to you. You were in the hospital for about a month in a coma, they said you'd probably have no memory what happened, so he kept quiet, and made us promise to. When you woke up and could remember enough to be up and about, he stopped treating you badly, but he turned against Francis and me, by then it was senior year. So we went our separate ways, and he went back to hurting you." I guess that explains why I don't remember the ending of fourth grade up to the start of sixth... Sitting there silently, I tried to let what he said sink in completely, so it wasn't something that just started, but has been going on for years. "Are you okay?" I nodded, then looked up at him, not sure what to feel or what to think.

"I just can't believe no one told me this... Francis kinda mentioned it, but I think Matt stopped him from continuing, but I've gone four years not knowing that my bruder was the cause of my lost memories..." He sighed, then looked down at the desk again. Because of bruder, I have barely any memories of our parents, because they died during my sixth grade year, only pictures and the stories Roderich used to tell me. Pulled out of my thoughts when there was a knock on the door, Toni and I both turned as it opened slightly, showing uncle Roderich, looking hesitant.

"I'm very sorry Antonio, but, I have to steal Ludwig, there's been an accident..." Glancing over at Antonio confused, Roderich sighed. "Gilbert cracked his head open, and they called saying we should say goodbye to him, because he's not going to make it..."

**Look what you did. You leave and he gets killed.**

Oh Gott... Feeling my heart drop, I didn't know what to do.

**He's still your family, and you've gotten him killed. You were supposed to take care of him, but you were so selfish you left, and now look what's happened.**

No... It's not my fault... He... He was probably drunk...

**Which is why he needed you, to make sure he didn't get hurt when drinking, you let him down. How many people are you going to kill in your life?**

It... It can't... No...

**First your parents.**

No. That wasn't... I didn't...

**Now your brother.**

He... No!

**Who next? Roderich? Elizaveta? ...Arthur?**

"No! Shut up!" Putting my hands over my ear, I curled up on the chair, both Antonio and Roderich rushed over to my side, asking what was wrong.

**You're nothing but a murderer. **

"Ludwig, it's not your fault. Ivan and him were fighting drunk. It's not your fault!" Toni pulled my hands away, making me look up at him.

"Don't listen to what it's telling you. Remember, it's lying. Now, you need to go, I know Gilbert wasn't there for you, but you need to be there for him one last time." Feeling tears welding up in my eyes, I hesitantly got up, and hurried after Roderich, wondering who was right, the voice, or Antonio...

**Murderer.**

**Authors Note:**

**Sorry this one took longer, I was procrastinating... As I have been with everything. So since schools almost over, I plan to write more during the summer, so don't expect updates often until then, but I do have internet again so. :D! XD Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, and I **_**really**_** like writing as the pessimistic voice if you can't tell. It's so much fun. XD**


	6. Memory

Sitting silently in the hospital room, I couldn't tear my eyes away from Gilbert, the left side of his head was a dark purple, with red forming around it, but most of it was covered by the bloodied bandage wrapped around his head. Hearing the door open, I turned, not surprised to see Ivan poke his head in, he was showing a new emotion, one I didn't he know he knew how to compute. Sadness.

"Come talk with me... Da?" Hesitantly climbing to my feet, I walked out of the room with him, following him to a less crowded area of the hospital halls. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I was void of tears, not even sure of what to think about this whole situation yet, the chances that Gilbert lived were slim, but still, they were doing what they could. "I'm not going to say sorry for what I've done to you, because, I don't care about you, da. Though, I am going to say I'm sorry for what I've done to Gilbert... I never meant to hurt him. We both had drank way to much, and I got out of control..." Could he possibly feel guilt too? Could he actually think something was his fault?

**Why would he feel guilty? It's your fault! Your brother is going to die, and it's all your fault! **

"Look at me." Raising my head, his eyes were cold, no surprise there I guess, his voice was full of venom, he normally didn't show his anger like this, he hid it behind an innocent smile. "We were arguing about you, da? I said it was good you were gone. He said it wasn't, and that he missed you. So next time you think about how much your brother "didn't care", remember that he died for you." Just standing there as he shoved past me, I stared down at the grey tiles, completely numb, could I have been wrong...?

**Murderer!**

N-no... I-it's not my fault... I can't be my fault... Looking down at my arms, which were still scabbed over, I shook my head, this couldn't be my fault... He did this to me... Why would he miss me?

**You killed him! You're supposed to take care of him! He's your brother!**

No! It's not my fault! I didn't do it!

**How many more? How many?**

Putting my hands over my ears, someone put there hand on my shoulder, turning quickly, uncle Roderich stood there, looking at me with worry apparent in his eyes.

"Ludwig? Are you okay?" Nodding, he turned quickly as a doctor rushed into Gilbert's room, followed by two nurses, Roderich tightened his grip on my shoulder as the minutes passed slowly. It seemed as though we were standing there forever before a doctor walked over to us, looking grim.

"He's awake, but... he won't be for long... So if you want to talk to him... Now would be the time..." I nodded, and followed him to the room, Ivan looked over, whispered something to him, then brushed hair out of his eyes and walked out. Slowly walking over to the bed, dull red eyes shifted to look at me, now my eyes started stinging, threatening me, causing me to choke up.

"Bruder... I-I... I'm sorry... I should have been there for you..." He didn't say anything, just stared at me with a dead expression.

**You're not even worth a word. Why should he talk to you, look what you did to him!**

Dropping my head to my chest, I sighed, about to leave when he grabbed my wrist, the grip wasn't tight like normal, turning to him, his eyes were narrowed at me

"Ludwig... I'm not gonna lie... I really fucking hate you..." Standing there silently, I waited for him to continue, knowing he wouldn't stop there. "I should have killed you when I had the chance, maybe then... I wouldn't be here..." Pulling my hands free from his grip, I took a step back, then took a deep breath.

"...Why do you hate me so much? What did I do wrong? I know you haven't always felt like that... Else you would have let me die years ago..." His eyes got wide and his jaw a bit slack,

so it was true...

"How do you know about that...? Which one of them told you?" Sighing, I looked down at the tiles, waiting for him to say something else.

**You're horrible! He save your life when you were little, and this is how you repay him? It's your fault he's going to die!**

Shut up! It's not my fault! Ivan lied! He just said he hated me! It's not my fault!

"Hmph, fine, don't answer me, I don't care. As for what you did... I guess you don't remember from the coma... but you're the reason mutti and vati are dead..." I looked up quickly, I thought the voice was lying... "It was a car crash about a week after you woke up..." Thinking back, I faintly remembered the crash. I know the car was on fire, and my seat belt was suck, and I couldn't get it... "Since you couldn't get out on your own, they told me to get you out, but before I could go back for them, the car blew up." I remembered the explosion, because I wasn't completely sure what had happened until I heard Gil screaming for our parents.

**I told you, you're a murderer... **

No...

**You subconsciously knew you were! No one wanted to tell you! **

N-no... No... I... I was stuck...

**That's your memory playing tricks on you... Let me show you what really happened...**

Suddenly it seemed as if I was no longer in the hospital, but in a car, it was raining heavily, I was in the backseat, and turning my head, I could see Gilbert sitting beside me, but he was a teen, and staring out the window with a board expression. Looking forward, mutti and vati were in the front seats, talking quietly, though it wasn't possible to make out what they were saying, when the car swerved suddenly, then righted, vati muttered something angrily. As my view moved back to Gilbert, he rolled his eyes then looked over at me, he half smiled, and leaned over to ruffle my hair. I must have had an injury there, because I flinched and he Gil looked worried.

"Sorry bruder... I forgot about that..." Mutti looked back quickly, then glared at Gilbert, who sunk back in his seat guiltily.

"How many times do I have to tell you Gilbert? Be careful with your bruder for a little while! He's still going to be hurting!" Turning away from mutti I looked back at bruder, who glanced over, I must have smiled or something because he cheered up.

"Chill, he's okay, right Lud?" I nodded, and he grinned. "See! My little bruder is to awesome to let anything get in his way!" The car swerved again, but this time didn't straighten out, Gilbert and I looked around frantically, and suddenly he leaned over and pulled me down, protecting me as the car collided with something. As everything settled, he raised his head, and when I looked up, there was a orange glow coming from the hood of the car.

"Boys! Get out! Hurry!" Scrambling to get the seat belt, but it wouldn't click. "Ludwig! Hurry!"

"I-I'm trying!" Pulling on the belt didn't help, but I still couldn't get it to click and let go, Gilbert tore open my side door, leaning over me, I was shocked when he got it open the first try. He pulled me out of the car, carrying me off to the side, when he set me down, he looked back.

"Wait here!" He turned to go back to the car, where our parents were struggling to get out of the mangled front seats, after to steps, he was knocked back onto the ground when the car blew up. Sitting there shocked, bruder got up quickly, about to run to the car, but someone had stopped when we crashed, and grabbed him, keeping him from the flames. Someone came over to me as well, but I just kept staring at the car, hearing bruder screaming for mutti and vati.

**See, it wasn't stuck, you were just to stupid to open it! **

Standing in the hospital room, I could feel my heart racing, and there was a faint voice.

"...dig? Ludwig! Can you hear me?" Looking up quickly, Roderich was standing there, he sighed, then surprisingly, hugged me. "Are you okay?" Pushing away from him a bit, I looked over at the hospital bed, Gilbert was still there, but he wasn't awake, looking at the heart monitor, I noticed the heart beats were stronger than before, and becoming normal.

"Wh... What happened...?" He glanced back, then pulled me out of the room, making me sit in the hallway seats, then sat beside me.

"You've been in there for thirty minutes... After about ten Gilbert pressed the button for the nurse, and when she went in, he told her you weren't responding... I went in when she told me... What was going on in that head of yours?" Looking over at the room, I sighed, rubbing my neck.

"I was remembering the crash... Gilbert was telling me that it was my fault, and... I just kinda... Flashed back..." He closed his eyes, then rubbed his temples, it was a moment before he looked at me again, but when he did, he looked sad.

"That wasn't your fault... Fear makes it hard to do simple things... If you had gotten out on your own, and he stayed behind to help, he would have been killed too..." He looked back as someone else entered the hall, and I was surprised to see Arthur, he hung back a bit, and grabbed Alfred as he entered as well. "I called them to ask if you could stay with them for the night. I don't want you being alone tonight, and I know you're good friends with those two..." He glanced back again, then sighed. "They think Gilbert will be okay after a few days rest... Talking to you steadied his heart beat..." He stood, doing the same, he clasped his hand on my shoulder again. "It's really not you're fault..." He went over to the doctor working on Gilbert, and seconds later, Arthur and Alfred ran over to me, I wasn't surprised when Arthur hugged me. Wrapping my arms around him as well, I placed my head on his shoulder, unsure of anything.

Is it my fault...? Is it not...?

**Of course it's your fucking fault. Everything is your fault. I'm just waiting for you to realize you're not good for anyone. You only cause problems. **

**Authors Note:**

Ehehe... Okay I have no excuse... I just really didn't want to write this chapter... Cause, it kinda sucks. DX I also hate having two short chapters in a row, but this one wasn't going anywhere. Sorry for this crap, the next chapter will be better, I promise! While you're waiting for the next chapter, you should read Nations ABC's, cause input on that would be awesome! *wink wink nudge nudge* Thanks for reading. :3


	7. A New Kind Of Hell

Sitting at lunch, I pushed my food around on my tray, not really in the mood to eat anything, so much had changed so quickly, I swore I had whiplash, first with dating Arthur, then moving into uncle Roderich's house, Gilbert being put in the hospital, the more frequent visits to Antonio by request of the school, and the growing torment from the other students. I don't think I can wrap my head around it all. Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, plus I have been having trouble sleeping, cause my mine just won't shut off at night anymore, I'm so used to life with Gilbert that... None of these good things happening in my life seem real, I feel like I'm still in the past, hating my life. When a wad of paper hit the back of my head, I sighed, keeping my eyes down on my food, ignoring the laughter I heard behind me.

"Hey faggot!" Glancing back briefly, I noticed Alfred sitting at the table with the rest of the football team, only he wasn't laughing, glaring at the other, he stood up with his tray and walked over to the table I was sitting at.

"God they're such dicks sometimes! Sorry Lutz, I tried to stop them." I waved it away, taking a small bite of the pizza I had halfway destroyed with my fork, Al chuckled, and shook his head, looking down at his own food. "Do they do stuff like that often?" As I nodded, he sighed and leaned back in the chair.

"It started the day I returned from the hospital, but I'm getting used to it." He didn't say anything, instead he just took a huge bite of pizza, probably to give him time before he had to talk, otherwise he'd be talking with his mouth full, like normal.

**If Gilbert can't do it, someone else will. You're life is so pathetic, no matter where you are, someone will torment you, like everyone should.**

Times like these, I kinda missed the other voice, at least it made me feel a little better. Looking up as Feliciano and Kiku sat down at the table, the Italian grabbed a napkin and started brushing at his shirt with it, making Alfred give him funny look, Kiku sighed.

"Someone threw food at him..." His dark eyes shifted to something, then got wide, turning in my seat, I noticed that Arthur's path to the table had been blocked by two of the biggest members of the football team. Al looked back too, when the look on Arthur's face turned to fear, we both scrambled out of our seats and over to them.

"Yo! Assholes! Leave my bro alone! How many times do I have to tell you?!" As they turned and glared at Al, I moved over to Arthur, who looked up at me, then away quickly, sighing, I put my arm around his shoulders, walking with him to the table. Feli and Kiku looked at each other, then over at the Brit sadly, for some reason, he was still their favorite target, even though he wasn't as flamboyant as Feliciano.

"Ve... What did they say this time?" He sat silently, just staring at the table, putting my hand over his, he turned his head, shifting his gaze over to me, he smiled a little, then sighed.

"It was just the normal shit... About how I'm disgusting, a freak of nature..." He didn't normally looked scared when they said stuff like that though, there was something he wasn't telling us, squeezing his hand a bit, he shrunk back a bit.

"What else did they say...?" He shook his head, keeping his eyes down again, something defiantly wasn't right. "...Did they threaten you?" He hesitated, then nodded slowly, barely looking up as Alfred sat down with Matthew right behind him.

"You okay Iggs?" He nodded, and I sighed, seeing him like this was torture in itself, he would do anything to help someone, yet all these other students treat him horribly, he could turn around and use being Student council president to ruin their clubs, cut funding to sports, or ever shut them down altogether, yet he doesn't. Mostly because they have him scared that if he does, they'll beat him up, or do something to him, and I hate seeing him so terrified.

Walking out of the lunch room with Arthur, I gently pulled him down a hall and into one of the smaller less used guys bathrooms, checking around to make sure no one was there, I turned to him, and sighed.

"Please, tell me what they said." He just shook his head, I just watched him as he leaned up against the wall, shifting uncomfortably as he glanced up at me, then away quickly.

"Don't worry about it Lud... It's not something that should bother you..." Moving over till I stopped in front of where he stood, I put my hands on either sides of him, he looked up at me, somewhat shocked.

"Arthur, I'm not just going to sit back and watch those idiots do this to you. I didn't agree to go out with you just to see you be miserable." Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my chest, with I sigh, I slid my arms around him as well, startled to find he was shaking.

"I-I just don't want them to know I'm afraid!" Resting my uninjured cheek on his head, I felt his grip on the back of my shirt tighten. "I-it's getting to the point, that I'm almost afraid for my life... They're getting more and more violent with their threats and they're starting to say they'll hurt Feliciano, Kiku, or you... I can't take much more!" Jumping when the bathroom door burst open, we both looked over quickly, shocked to see Alfred there, looking frantic.

"Dude! Lud! I need your help! Now! They've surrounded Feliciano and Kiku!" Glancing over at Arthur, I ran out of the bathroom after Alfred, noticing my friends in the middle of the mass of football players. They were both on the ground, but Feliciano had his arms around Kiku, protecting the smaller Japanese teen from the onslaught of punches and kicks they were being dealt. Running faster, I pulled some of the football players away, knocking one back on his ass, Alfred and I fought our way through the group, shoving them away as we went till finally they had backed away. Arthur ran over to us, kneeling down by Feli and Kiku instantly, the Italian looked up at us with unnaturally wide eyes, tears running down his cheeks, and trembling. Noticing the football players starting to get closer again, I blocked the three on the ground from one side as Alfred blocked from the other.

"Hey! What is going on here?! Break it up! Break it up!" Recognizing Veta's voice, I looked over quickly as the group slowly moved on, she walked over to us quickly, then sighed. "...Get them up and follow me..." Helping Feli and Kiku up, they were both shaking and crying, Veta glanced over, noticing Matthew off by himself, staring shocked, then turned to Alfred. "You stay behind, it looks like someone else needs you right now." Al nodding, then rushed over to Matt, seeming to make sure he was alright and that he hadn't gotten caught up in any of the attack. Shifting my gaze over to Arthur, he was staring at the ground sadly, almost guiltily, putting my hand on his shoulder, he looked over, then sighed.

In the nurses office, Veta did a quick check over Kiku and Feliciano to make sure they weren't to badly injured, then went into counselor mode.

"Boys... Can you tell me what happened?" Kiku sat there silently, the Italian looked over at him, then up at Elizaveta, his normally closed eyes still wide with fear.

"Ve. We had just walked out of the lunchroom, talking with Alfred and Matthew, and then the football team came over, and started giving Al a hard time because he was hanging around us. They started saying things like, if he didn't stop talking to us, they'd get him kicked off the team, or that they'd get ride of us themselves." He paused a bit, and I noticed Kiku shyly grab onto the others hand, still staying silent. "Then when Al stood up for us, they suddenly pushed him and Matthew away, and, starting attacking Kiku and me... When they wouldn't listen to Al telling them to stop, he must have run to get Lud to help him." She nodded, then looked over at Arthur and me, seeming upset.

"Did Alfred run and get you?" I nodded, and she hesitated. "You are all friends, why weren't you with them?" I glanced over at Arthur, he took a shaky breath then looked up at her.

"We were in the bathroom talking... Trying to avoid the same people that attacked them..." Now she looked a little confused, and as Kiku finally spoke, she turned to him.

"They've been giving arr of us troubre for a whire now, but mostry Arthur, today was the first time they had ever even done anything besides throw things at us..." Feli nodded, and Veta sighed while playing with her hair a bit, which it something she did when thinking.

"Since it's a first offense, the worst I can do is give them all Friday Night Schools, maybe cut the football season short but... That may just make things worse... I'm sorry to say that most of the students in this school aren't open to people who are different than them, so, I can't say that while you're in here, things are going to get better." Glancing over as Arthur slid his hand into mine, I could see the fear hidden in his eyes, if things got much worse, someone was going to be really hurt... "I'm not asking you boys to change, because, I think it's great you aren't afraid to be yourself, I really do, but, maybe, for the sake of your health, you should be careful of what you do in the school. Tone down a little bit, until the others can learn to except you, I'm afraid to say, things aren't going to be easy. You can go to class now, and, be careful." Standing up, I pulled Arthur to his feet, he smiled a little bit, then sighed, almost at the door, I glanced back as Veta said my name. "Ludwig, could you stay behind for a moment? I want to talk to you." I nodded, then looked over at Arthur, he sighed a bit, pushing him softly toward Feli and Kiku, he laughed and hurried to catch up with them.

"Ja? What is it?" She shifted some papers on her desk around, then looked up at me, shaking her head, seeming to be a mix of anger and sadness.

"Trouble just follows you around doesn't it?" The small smile I had slipped away as she stood up, and moved over to the door, closing it, then turning to me. "You finally get out of one hell, and jump right into another, Ludwig, what are you thinking?!" She grabbed my arm, pointing to all the scabs that were starting to turn to scars. "Are these not enough?! Okay, you're dating a boy, that doesn't bother me, and you know that wouldn't, but, letting a school _full _of homophobic students _and_ staff know? You're just asking for problems!" I pulled my arm away from her, understanding what she was saying, and that it meant that she was just worried about me, but I couldn't believe she was saying it.

"I shouldn't have to hide that Arthur and I are dating, it's not my fault that they have a problem with it! It's not right that they can walk down the halls, holding their girlfriends hands, or that they can kiss them in the hallways, when, one of us gets within a foot of our boyfriends, and we have to worry about being beat up-!" She held up her hand to stop me, becoming more angry than anything.

"That's not exactly what I'm saying! If you're not the one being attacked, then you should stay out of it! I get that they're you're friends, I do, but you've been hurt enough!" I was horrified by what I was hearing, when I was younger, she always taught me to stand up for my friends, but now, she's telling me to let them be hurt?!

"No! I didn't stand up to Gilbert, and look what happened to me! I _will _stand up for my friends! They don't deserve to be hurt! Just like I didn't!" Yanking her office door open, I stormed out, knowing I'd get hell for it later, but I didn't care, she wasn't going to tell me that I can't protect my friends because she's scared of me getting hurt. These assholes weren't family, I had no problem knocking them out.

**Look what you're doing. Causing problems for everyone again! Jeez, how many lives are you going to screw up? While you're here, ruining lives, someone else could be living, helping them instead. Just admit it, you're the worst thing in everyones lives! **

Shut up already, you're more annoying than normal today.

**Roderich and Elizaveta were happy without you around, and now they're doing everything they can to make you happy.**

God, just shut up!

**Alfred has to work hard to protect his spot as quarterback on the football team cause he's friends with you.**

That's not true...

**Feliciano and Kiku are afraid of doing something to send you off the edge again.**

Stop lying...

**Arthur is being tortured now that he's completely come out because he's dating you.**

...

**See? You're nothing but a burden. You thought surviving your brother and your suicide attempt was a good thing? Think again. It's a curse to everyone. The world would be better off without you. Everyone you care about would be better off. No one needs you. No one wants you. **

Closing my locker, I headed toward Study Hall, sitting down at one of the empty tables, Alfred looked over curiously, then moved over to sit with me.

"Yo, dude, why did you sit here? I was just over there?" Looking up at him, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Sorry... I didn't see you..." He gave me another curious look, then looked down at the PSP in his hands, opening the book I head grabbed to where I left off, I scanned the words, not really even taking in what they were saying.

Was the voice lying? I couldn't tell anymore...

**You're not even worth the time it takes to make up a lie.**

**Authors Note: **

Yay! Back to long chapters! Well, to anyone who thought the story had taken a turn for the better, I hate to burst your bubble, but, it didn't~. Leave a review and let me know what you think! It really helps me out!


	8. Dammit Alfred

Waiting once more outside Antonio's office, the door opened, and like every time, Romano stormed out, yelling in Italian, the Spaniard leaned against the doorframe with a sigh, then looked over and smirked.

"It's bad enough that's all I hear at home... Now I have to hear it at work too." He moved to the side, walking in, I shook my head, then turned to him as he closed the door, as Toni walked back over to his desk, he gave me a puzzled look. "What is it amigo?"

"I can't believe I just heard you complain about Romano." Laughing, he shook his head as I sat down and dropped my bag onto the floor beside the chair, seeing him lean back in his seat, he ran a hand through his hair with a sigh.

"Don't get me wrong, he's muy cute! Just, his cursing gets old after a while..." I didn't know Romano well, but, he didn't like me, but, he didn't like anyone, he always told people he hated them, and called them bastards a lot. After a while, I avoided going over to Feliciano's because I didn't want to hear his brother yelling at me all the damn time. "Anyway, so I've heard it hasn't been a very good week for you and your friends... What's going on at school?" Aw hell, and I had just started feeling better again.

"Some assholes have been targeting Feliciano and Kiku, so I've been doing my best to protect them, but the teachers keep getting me in trouble for it, and when I explain why, they tell me to pick better friends. Ones who are straighter." He furrowed his brow, writing quickly, then shook his head seeming rather upset himself, I guess Feli didn't tell him all of this, but I do know he's gone home crying for the past two days.

"How have you gotten in trouble? As in, what are your punishments, and what are the punishments for the boys doing this?" I crossed my arms angrily, letting out a deep sigh, he watched me for a second as I tried to cool down, just thinking about all of this really pissed me off.

"I have a Friday night school, and they just got a warning. When all I did was tell them to back off, and they have literally attacked Feli and Kiku three times now. Arthur was going to try and find ways to get them to stop, by messing with the football budgets, but they have him scared to death." He tapped his pencil on the desk, then wrote slowly, shaking his head, when he looked up again, he sighed, keeping quiet still for a few moments.

"Have they been doing anything to you?" I nodded, then opened my bag, pulling out a few pages of notebook papers, ones I had found taped to my locker at various times during school, I handed them to him when he looked at me confused.

"These have been put on my locker, the two that say 'fag' are the first two I found, the letter was there at the end of the day today. Arthur told me that exactly how things started for him and the others, only the letters they got weren't so, threatening." He read over the letter, his eyes growing wide, I don't even think he finished it before looking up at me, his jaw slack.

"Have you gone to authorities about this?! Bullying is one thing, threatening someone's life is something completely different!" I shook my head, and he sighed. "You really need to, I'm not so sure these boys are playing around anymore from what I've heard from Feliciano and now you. If you don't want to do it, let me. Please." Hesitating for a moment, I nodded, and he sighed, then shook his head. "And the school isn't doing anything about this?" I shook my head again.

"No, I went to the principle, and, he told me it was our fault. I'm to scared to talk to Elizaveta about it, because after the first attack, she yelled at me for coming out at school, and told me to leave the others to fend for themselves." He closed his eyes, then rubbed his temples, Antonio was a very fun loving guy, and he loved to help people, which is why he became a therapist, but when it came down to someone hurting his friends, you'd better watch your back. He acted like an idiot, but he really knew how to fuck someone up.

"Okay," He sighed, then rubbed his eyes. "let's switch topics for a while... Have, you heard from Gilbert at all?" Shaking my head, he wrote something on the paper, then glanced up. "Has he gotten out of the hospital yet?"

"Yeah, but Roderich told me that he's not supposed to be doing anything, so Ivan's probably over there all the time and Gil's probably drunk off his ass..." When it sounded as if he stopped writing, I looked over at him, and he was giving me a strange look, did I say something wrong?

"I've never heard you like that towards him... What happened?" Damn, I was hoping to stay off this topic, at least for a few more visits, his eyes shifted up to the clock, and he sighed, I looked up as well then grinned. "Just because you got out of it today doesn't mean you will next time. I'll remember." Picking my bag up, I slid it over my shoulder, then looked over at him with a smirk.

"Who says I won't dodge it?" He rolled his eyes as I walked out of the room, getting into the lobby, I smiled seeing Arthur sitting on one of the couches, he looked up and climbed to his feet. "Have you been waiting long?" He shook his head with a smile, leaving the building, I looked over, and noticed something odd, pushing the hair off his forehead, he swatted my hand away and sped up, walking ahead of me. Grabbing his arm, I pulled him back, the pushed his hair away, finding a bruise hidden under the mess of blonde hair, he sighed, turning his head away. "What happened?"

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." As he started to walk off again, I kept ahold of his arm, not moving, he sighed and turned to me sternly. "Ludwig, I promise, it's nothing to worry about. I hit my head when I dropped something is all." Sighing, I gave up, sliding my hand down his arm, planning on holding his hand, I was startled when he winced, and I noticed something else odd, even for him. It was hot out, yet he was wearing a long sleeved shirt, he almost always wore short sleeves, this time he didn't fight when I carefully slid his sleeve up, he only turned his head away from me. Turning his arm over, I was speechless when there were dozens of cuts going across his arm, thankfully non were around his wrist, but it still horrified me, without saying anything, I wrapped my arms around him.

"Why would you do something like that...?" Pulling away from the Brit, he hesitated, then rolled up the other sleeve, showing even more cuts on that arm before looking up at me with tears in his emerald eyes.

"I've done it for years... Just, never on my arms..." He put his sleeves back down, then fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt, staring down, and taking a shaky breath before speaking again. "I didn't think anyone would notice..." Brushing hair out of his eyes, I lifted his chin, making him look up at me again.

"Why wouldn't I notice?" Leaning forward, I lightly pressed my lips against his, being careful when I placed my forehead against his. "Please, don't do this to yourself anymore..." He smiled a little bit, then nodded, briefly kissing me back.

"Fine, but only because you asked... Don't tell Alfred I said this, but you are _way _more of a hero than he is." I chuckled, then slid and arm around his waist as he moved back, starting to walk toward his house again, though this time I moved with him.

"I don't have to wear a cape now do I?" He looked up as we walked, thinking, then laughed and shook his head, leaning against me, and glancing up with a grin.

"No, but, don't give me any ideas..." Rolling my eyes, I shoved him a bit, he laughed and pushed me back then ran down the block his house was on, chasing after him, I caught up as he reached his door. Putting my arms around him, he laughed as I lifted him off the ground, when I started walking down the sidewalk past his house, he struggled around, still laughing, but he couldn't get away.

"Nope, you're coming home with me." As he struggled more, I pretended like I was going to drop him, he yelped a bit, setting him down, I started laughing, he turned and pushed me again, pouting.

"That wasn't fair! You tricked me!" Laughing more, he sighed then grabbed my hand, pulling me with him back to his house. "Your punishment? You're not allowed to leave till I say so!" Smirking, I let him lead me into his house, he glanced into a few of the rooms then shrugged, pulling me up to his bedroom, as he closed the door I grinned.

"You know, this seems less like a punishment, and more like a reward." He dropped his bag on the floor, then glanced over his shoulder to look at me before turning with a teasing smirk and stepping closer to me, letting my bag drop to the ground, he smiled and blushed a little.

"When did I say it was going to be a punishment you wouldn't like? Hm?" As he stepped closer to me again, I moved quickly, his eyes got wide when I trapped him against the wall, and a dark red settled on his cheeks as I leaned forward, capturing his lips with mine. It was only a brief second before he wrapped his arms around my neck and started to kiss back, moving my hands to his hips, my cheeks burned as he parted his lips. Doing the same, his tongue slid into my mouth, it only took a few seconds for me to end up dominating the kiss, but, he didn't seem to mind. Sliding my hands up his shirt a little, I broke the kiss and lightly trailed my lips over his jaw, kissing random spots, as I kissed under his ear he grabbed onto my shirt, gasping a bit. Smirking, I planted my lips in the same spot again, this time he pressed his hips against mine, moaning softly. He let go of my shirt but I felt him tug on it, pulling it up slightly, then looked up at me, his eyes pleading silently. Leaning back, I pulled my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor, he smirked, carefully running his hands up my chest till they came to a stop on my shoulders. He pushed me back till I was sitting on his bed, wrapping my arm around his waist, I brought him with me, but he moved to straddle my legs, and with a smirk, his lips crashed against mine again. Pulling away with a sigh as there was a knock on his door, he glared over then got up annoyed and walked over to the door, opening it only a little.

"Bloody hell Alfred! You always have the worst timing!" Rolling my eyes, I ran my hand through my hair as the taller blonde pushed the door open all the way, looking at me then shrinking back a bit.

"Dude, I don't even want to know what I interrupted... Um, but Artie, mom want just the three of us to go out for once tonight, and she say's we're leaving when we get home, which will be anytime now... So... Yeah..." He backed up a bit, then laughed nervously. "I'm gonna go..." He turned and hurried down the stairs, Arthur sighed then turned to me, grabbing my shirt, I pulled it back on, then climbed up off the bed.

"Sorry love..." I smirked and picked up my bag, then pulled him over to me, kissing his forehead, his cheeks went even darker red, and he smiled.

"It's alright, there are always other times..." He stood up on his toes, lightly pressing his lips to mine, pulling away and walking out of the room ahead of me, heading down the stairs after him, Alfred looked over at us and rolled his eyes. "See you tomorrow." Arthur nodded with a smile, and I glanced over. "See ya Al." He waved without looking, shaking my head I walked down the front steps, staring for home.

**God you're so disgusting! **

My shoulders dropped as I sighed, and I pounded my palm on the side of my head.

**Like that's going to get rid of me! **

"Just shut up already..." Glancing back to make sure Arthur hadn't seen me do that, I hurried on, before he did.

**He's just as fucked up as you, I don't see why you're worried about what he thinks. Oh yeah, cause everyone should hate you! **

_Can't you just leave him alone for once?_

Sighing again, rubbed my temples, great, now they're going to argue again...

**No! He's a fucking fag! He shouldn't even have a chance to live! He's disgusting.**

_Well..._

I stopped in my tracks, realizing both of the voices were now against me. There goes the last bit of my confidence...

**Authors Note: **

I almost wanted to ignore my plan on writing this and let Alfred just not interrupt, but that would have screwed me up. *sadness* Anyway, I hope you liked it, cause that's probably the closest to anything happening for a while. _Please_, let me know what you think. Also, on my profile there is a link to some fanart on deviantart, it's not just this story, but my Saw one as well! So totally check those out! Thanks for reading! I hopefully update soon!


	9. Just Another Problem

Leaning against my locker, I let my head rest back against the cool metal, Friday night school was bad enough without the teacher letting kids make fun of you the entire time, this whole town was just full of assholes... I can't wait till I can get out of here. Opening my locker to get my bag, I noticed a folded piece of paper fall to the floor, glancing around, I picked it up figuring someone was just trying to give me crap again. Unfolding it, I noticed instantly something wasn't right, it was a typed letter, not one that I could figure out who it was from by their handwriting, glancing around again, I hesitantly read over the letter.

_Listen. I will only tell you this __**once**__. Stop talking to Arthur. __**He's**__**mine**__, and if I can't have him, no one can. There are three rules. 1) If you ignore this warning, and keep talking to him, I'll have no choice but to kill him. It's not something I __**want**__ to do, but at that point, you'll have __**forced **__me to. 2) If you take this to the authorities, or tell anyone about this, I will kill not __**only **__Arthur, but the rest of your friends as well. 3) In order to be sure you don't have people give messages to him, the first rule applies if you talk to __**any**__ mutual friends that you two may share._

_ If you don't believe that I will know if you break any of these rules, go by the creek, where Arthur found you when you tried to over dose. The proof will be waiting for you. Their lives are in your hands Ludwig, how much do you really care?_

Staring at the letter in my hands shocked, I re-read it once, twice, and even a third time, hardly able to believe that this was happening, them threatening my life is one thing, but, Arthur and the others lives... Closing my eyes, I put the letter in my bag, then pulled it off the hook, needing to see this proof with my own eyes before I did anything, or figured out what to do about this. Sliding my bag over my shoulder, I kicked my locker closed, glancing around the empty hallway, suddenly feeling like I wasn't actually alone.

_They're using fear to control you! They're not going to know if you tell! This is beyond anything you could ever manage!_

I can't take the risk... In the end, they've always been there for me, and, if being alone means protecting them, it's something I'm willing to do, at least until I find out who this bastard is. Walking out of the school, I made my way through the path in the woods, reaching the creek within minutes, glancing around, there was a file folder laying almost in the dead center of the flat rock. Hesitantly picking up the folder, there was a note taped to the front.

_ Everyday after school a folder will be waiting right here for you. If there is ever a red X on the front. You've broken a rule._

Opening the folder, I was shocked to find it was filled with pictures, starting from the day I stayed the night with Arthur and Alfred. This couldn't have been a one man job... Not only was there pictures in here following Arthur around, but, also following me. Flipping through the pictures, I found some of just the other day, my face got hot, if Alfred hadn't of knocked on the door... Oh Gott... Looking at the pictures in the front of the folder, there were even pictures from when I found the letter, shaking my head, I closed the folder, heading out of the woods, needed to head back.

**Look at this, you could be the cause of death for more people. **

No. Cause I'll follow the rules...

_What are you going to do if you see them being beat up...? To walk away from that, would tear you up, and they'll be hurt._

I stopped quickly, then went back to the creek, kneeling down on the rock, the pulled my bag off my shoulder, pulling out a piece of paper, writing that question quickly, then set it down, putting a rock on it to hold it there. If they've been watching me, there was no way they wouldn't find this. Leaving again, I quickly walked the two blocks back to uncle Roderich's house, of course, both of them were still at work, but someone had taped a piece of paper to the door. Tearing it down, I sighed, where, there goes that idea, but I guess it was a good thing...

_The attacks will completely stop._

Shoving the note in my pocket, I unlocked the door then headed to my room, putting my bag on the floor, I glanced around my room, opening the folder again, I searched through it till I found pictures from my room. It had the window and my bed it in, only catching the corner of the desk... Turning toward my door, I looked up at the vent, ah, found the fucker. Grabbing my desk chair, I pulled it over to the vent, climbing up, I slid the grate cover off, finding a small webcam there. A cord was leading further back into the vent, pulling on it, the thing wasn't connected to anything, or at least it didn't seem to be. Turning the camera to the side, I started pulling the cord out of the vent.

_What are you doing?_

It never said anywhere in the rules that I couldn't find out who they were. As the end of the cord came up, a pack was there with cord plugs, so that's how you get the video feed, keeping the pack where it was, I turned the camera all the way around, so it was facing the inside of the vent. Replacing the grate, I moved my chair back to my desk, then quickly went around the rest of the house, making sure there were no other cameras, the only other two I found, I pulled the pack to where they wouldn't be able to get them, and turned the cameras, thankfully, they were only in the halls though. I would still have to be careful, just in case they had more somewhere I couldn't get to.

Walking into school the next week, after having avoided numerous calls from the others, I wasn't surprised to find a letter taped to my locker, sighing, I looked around, tearing it off, I read it glancing around often.

_ Just because the camera's in your house are gone doesn't mean I won't know. I'll let you have that privacy, but I can still hear what you're saying!_

Crumbling it up, I tossed it into the trash then opened my locker, putting up my bag, I grabbed a letter I had written to Feliciano and Kiku, saying I was going to have to quit the newspaper for the time being. Walking to the newspaper room, I slid it into the letter slot, turning when I heard them coming down the hall, I hurried away, if they saw me, it would be really difficult to get away.

Running my hand through my hair as I walked back to the creek after school, I shook my head, this was hell... When I wouldn't sit with them at lunch, I saw them keep giving me worried looks, and Arthur was crying, they probably thought I was gonna try and kill myself again... Picking the folder up, I was relieved to see there was no red X across it, but a note instead.

_ You're doing good. Just keep this up, and sooner or later, they'll forget all about you._

Putting the folder in my bag, I didn't even bother looking at them, all it would show would be the weekend, when I kept ignoring everyone, not something I was really interested in seeing.

**You're so fucking pathetic, you can't even go a few days without him, I think this will do you some good! Make you see how wrong being a fag is! **

Walking back to Roderich's, I was surprised to see Elizaveta's car in the driveway already, going inside, she glanced over from the living room, then stood and walked over to me.

"I've been waiting for you... Ludwig, what's wrong? You haven't been yourself lately... You wouldn't talk to your friends all weekend, and now Arthur came into my office today, saying you still won't talk to them, and that you even quit the Newspaper club. You loved that club!" I sighed, then looked away from her worried gaze, I should have seen this coming, maybe I shouldn't have told Arthur Veta was my aunt..

"I can't talk about it..." She gave me a stern look, putting her hands on her hips angrily, looking away, I wondered if I could possibly talk to Antonio for help... I haven't seen any pictures of my therapy sessions, but, they could be trying to lull me into a fake sense of safety there...

"Look, you don't have to be afraid to talk to me about things that are bothering you... I'll never judge you..." I shook my head, then glanced around the front hall, wondering if there was anything to record sound around here.

"I'm serious, I can't talk about it. I want to, but if I do..." She sighed, crossing her arms now, there was no way she could ever understand, I think the only one I could ever dare tell this to was Antonio, and that, was still a risk...

**Author's Note:**

Just one problem after another for poor Luddy, and it's not over yet. Is it bad I feel horrible for having all this stuff happen to him? e_e Well, sorry for the short chapter, I'll try to make the next one longer. Let me know what you think~! Please!


	10. Almost To Easy

Walking into the clinic a little earlier than normal, in hopes of avoiding Arthur, I was about to go back into the hall and wait, when a familiar voice sent chills down my spine.

"Lud?" I froze where I stood, the receptionist gave me an odd look when I turned, but I ignored her, my eyes glued on the albino on the other side of the lobby.

"Gi-Gilbert...?!" He smirked, but, it wasn't one that I had become used to, instead of threatening, it was, dare I say, kind. He sighed, his amusement fading when the only look he go in return was one of suspicion.

"You many not believe me but, I'm actually sober." He took a few steps closer to me, I was hesitant, but I didn't back away. "There is nothing I can say or do to make up for what I've done to you, but I want you to know, what I said to you at the hospital... I mean, you're my little bruder... I could never hate you..." Unsure of what to do, I felt my eyes starting to sting as tears started to weld up in them.

**You should forgive him!**

_No! Don't!_

**You can just see he has changed!**

_He'll never change!_

After a moment, I shook my head, becoming startled by how depressed he now seemed by my action.

"I can't... Three weeks sober isn't enough proof. Before I can trust you, I need to know that you won't get mad and try to kill me again. He nodded slowly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, with a sigh he glanced around the room, seeming to try and search for something to say.

"Roderich said it would probably be a while before you started to trust me again..." About to answer, Romano's voice echoing down the hall stopped me, turning when he entered the lobby, he cut off in the middle of a word when he saw me.

"You son of a bitch!" I backed up a bit as he clenched his hands into fists, if he was really pissed, I bet he could actually do some damage, even with how small he was. "Do you have any fucking idea how much you've hurt Feliciano you bastard?! He thinks you fucking hate him, as do the rest of those idiots he hangs out with!" After a moment, Antonio ran out into the lobby, which coaxed Romano to dart out of the clinic, the Spaniard sighed, then looked over at me, his normally friendly eyes narrowed slightly at me. He turned quickly when Gil spoke.

"Kesese... Hey Toni..." Neither of them spoke for a while, then Antonio turned away from bruder, and looked at me.

"My office, now." Sighing, I glanced over at Gil, who was staring down at the ground, passing by Toni, I walked into his office silently, and the second he closed the door after him, his voice turned angry. "You have some explaining to do!" Flinching at his voice, I glanced around, trying to see if there was anything that looked like a camera.

"What do you mean?" I sat down after a second, crossing my legs in the chair, his green eyes were staring at me angrily, getting into my bag, I glanced at the front of the folder I had picked up after school, I hadn't even read the note, only checked for an X.

_ Two days down, you're doing good. Just don't crack under pressure._

Under pressure of what?

"You know exactly what I mean Ludwig! Romano is right, Feliciano was depressed over the weekend cause he wanted to get the chance to talk to you, but you wouldn't, yesterday he came home crying because he was afraid you were going to try and attempt suicide again, and Romano told me today that he's afraid you hate him and the others." Pulling out the folder, I opened it, flipping through the pictures from today at school, I had skipped lunch, so I went to those pictures. No one smiled throughout the whole time, and Feliciano looked really depressed, while Arthur didn't even touch his food, glancing up, Antonio was looking at me oddly. Looking around the room again, I didn't know if I should dare try to tell him, getting up, I moved over the window, where the blinds were drawn, checking outside, I noticed a small webcam at the corner of the window.

"Is this your camera?" He climbed up from he seat, moving over to the window, he shook his head when he saw it, pulling the blinds up, I lifted the window and pulling the cord through, finding the same type of box as the ones in my house. Closing the window and lower the blinds again, I tore the thin wire connecting the camera to the box, then pulled the head off the camera. Antonio was watching me confused when I threw it in the trash. "It's not even safe for me to talk in here... There is only one way I can talk to you... It has to be a room that you can't get to from outside, or that not many people know about... That was probably the only one, but I can't take any chances." He thought for a second, then nodded, as he headed for the door, I grabbed my bag and the folder, stopping for a second, I had an idea. Pulling out the other two folders, I tore the notes off from them, keeping them intact, only to find how they could hear me, a small, and I mean tiny, little microphone was stuck to the folder, tearing them off, I grabbed the folders and notes, heading after Antonio quickly. He lead me down a flight of stairs that were hidden behind a door, closing it after us, he flipped on a light, showing another door. Beyond that, lay a hidden concrete room.

"This is the safest room we have, it'll be okay for you to talk down here. Now tell me what's going on." Pulling the folders and letters our of my page, I dropped them all on the table in the room, the pictures spread out.

"I'm being threatened, if I talk to Arthur, or any of my friends, Arthur gets killed. If I tell authorities, or anyone, all my friends get killed... Everyday, they leave a folder for me, showing everything Arthur has done in school. It used to show me, but I found the camera's in uncle Roderich's house." He picked up the first letter I got, reading it over quickly, then flipped through the pictures, he sighed then shook his head. "And to be honest... I have been thinking about attempting again, but only to make sure I didn't break any rules... I could never forgive myself if something happened to any of them..."

"I have never had a patient that gets into so much trouble as you..." He stopped, then looked up at me, eyes wide. "Wait... Your uncle is always talking about how he has a patient that keeps talking about Arthur... He's a student at your school, I'll talk to Roderich tonight and we'll talk about calling the police. On Thursday when you come back, let me know if it's stopped, okay? We won't let anything happen to them, I promise. If you let me keep these as proof, we'll find out who it is." I nodded, then looked down at the ground, trying to think of an idea of how to get a message to Arthur without the stalker knowing.

"Do you see Arthur a lot in here?" He nodded, looking at me confused, thinking it over again, I hesitated, it had to be worth a try. "Can you do you best to be as cryptic as possible, but give him a message from me?" He nodded, smiling a little. "Tell him I'm sorry, and that I wish I could talk to him, but I can't..."

"Si, I can do that amigo, can I tell Feli that it should hopefully be only a few days before things will be back to normal?" I nodded, glad that I was able to trust Antonio, he glanced at his watch, then sighed. "Times almost up, we should be heading back upstairs." I nodded, waiting as he gathered all the pictures and letters into the folders, he followed me up then walked into the lobby with me, I wasn't surprised to see Arthur there. Sighing, I dropped my head to my chest, shifting my bag, I walked out without a word to him, glancing back, tears were welding up in my eyes. Two days was going to be hard... After a minute, I heard someone coming up behind me, glancing back, Arthur was standing almost right behind me, stopping, I turned back, having to bite my lip when I saw he was crying.

"Look... I-I don't know why you're doing this to us, but, if you want to come back, we're always waiting..." I wiped my watery eyes, and nodded. "Won't you at least say something?" I hesitated, and shook my head, backing away a bit. "...I'll be waiting..." Turning, I had to hurry away, trying to fight the temptation to hold him. Reaching the house, there was a folder sitting on the front steps, with a note taped to it like normal.

_ You sure know how to piss me off, but seeing as though I can't prove you broke any rules, they're safe. For now. _

I sighed to myself, good, he doesn't know I told... Opening the folder, I was shocked by how recent the pictures were, they were of Arthur and I, when he was _just _talking to me. Looking around, he couldn't have been more than a few feet away from me on my way home, and I didn't even notice anything... Turning around, I scanned the block again, who the hell was this guy?!

**Author's Note:**

Okay, so maybe this chapter wasn't much longer than the last one after all... *Sweatdrop* I also know that this stalker thing seems to have been really short and pointless, but it'll come into play more later. Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think!


	11. It Couldn't Be

That Wednesday at school, everything seemed quieter than normal, and it wasn't until lunch that I realized why, just to be safe, I still sat away from the others, but when I glanced over at the table, there were two empty chairs instead of just one. Feliciano happened to look over at me, and I gave him a confused looked, he glanced at the other empty seat, back at me, then shrugged. Where was Alfred? It wasn't like him to miss school when there was a game coming up soon, I sighed then looked down at my food, maybe he's just really sick or something.

Leaving school, I stopped by the creek, grinning to see that there was no folder, had they found the guy? Could it really have been that easy for once? Walking back to the house with a smile, it quickly vanished as I noticed three cars in the driveway, the first two were Elizaveta's and Roderich's, the third, Gilbert's. Great, just when I'm in a good mood... Hesitantly going into the house, I glanced into the living room, finding the three of them sitting there talking, Roderich looked up, and instantly went quiet, causing the others to turn and look at me.

"...Am I interrupting something...?" When none of them spoke, I backed away from the living room, heading down the hall to the room I've been using, setting my bag down, I looked back as Roderich walked into the room, closing the door behind him with a sigh.

"Ludwig..." This was never a good sign. "We've been talking, and, it might be best if... We gave Gilbert another chance..."

**Because they hate you so much they just want you out of their life for good, so they're pushing you back on your brother.**

"I've personally been monitoring how he's doing, he's been doing good with managing his anger, he's stopped being around Ivan to help him stop drinking, and well... I think he needs a chance to make it up to you..." I stood silently, then nodded, knowing sooner or later this would happen, I didn't really think I would be there this long actually. Elizaveta always says they both care, but honestly, Roderich don't much like Gilbert or me for that matter, he really only keeps in contact with us because Veta makes him. "Are you okay?" I nodded again, unsure of what to say. "It'll probably be this weekend." Watching as he walked out of the room once more, Is at down on the edge of the bed.

**You actually thought something was going to go right for you? HA! How pathetic, you were destined for a miserable life, whoever said good things come to those to wait, surely didn't know, there isn't enough time left for you.**

"Will you ever shut up?" Shaking my head, I grabbed my bag, thinking I might as well do my homework now since I had nothing else to do at the moment.

**You'd get lonely and miss me!**

"I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than listen to you." Pulling out my books out, I started reading over one of the problems, then sighed, it was going to be hard to concentrate...

Still not taking any chances, Thursday I avoided the others one last time, once more the halls were quiet, was Alfred gone again? Missing two practices before a game? He wasn't going to be able to play now, what was going on? Was he that sick? As lunch rolled around, my theory was correct, once again, two chair were empty as the table, but even Arthur didn't seem to know what the think, he kept looking over at both chairs then sighing. Something wasn't right here...

Shoving my hands into my pocket, I headed out of the school at the end of the day, praying that there would be no folder, I walked down the path, staring at the ground, I took a shaky breath as I reached the creek. I don't know if I could handle there being a folder there, looking up nervously, relief washed over me when there was nothing on laying on the rock, not a folder, not a not or letter, not even a leaf. Now all I needed was the conformation that they had taken someone in. Hurrying toward the clinic, I only glanced over in the lobby, then paused when Gilbert was sitting there, his head resting back against the wall, moving on silently, I didn't say anything to him, waiting by Antonio's office door, it opened shortly. Watching Romano, my eyes got wide when he didn't yell, or even say anything, he stormed out with his arms crossed, and his head down. Antonio sighed and looked at me, then moved out of the way, letting me in, dropping my bag by the chair, I turned to Toni quickly. He closed the door then glanced over with a smirk, walking to his desk, knowing I was waiting eagerly to know. He sat down, then looked at me, waiting, with a sigh, I sat down, crossing my legs.

"Has there been any more messages to you? Or folders?" I shook my head, he smiled, and nodded, giving him a eager look, he sighed, and nodded. "Then we have him, they took one of the boys from your school into custody Tuesday night, the only one who knows, is his parent, no other family or neighbors."

"Can you tell me who it was?" He shook his head, leaning back in his chair he crossed his arms, he looked down at a file, not saying anything for a minute.

"Actually, the only ones who know who it is, would be your uncle, and the police... You'll have to ask him, but I'm not so sure he'll tell you... Anyway, back to what we're supposed to be talking about, what's new that has happened?" Thinking over what has happened, instantly, what uncle Roderich had told me came to mind, he watched me curious.

"Well, Roderich is sending me back to live with Gilbert..." Antonio looked dumbfounded, he looked down and drummed his fingers on his arm, not looking very pleased.

"You're serious?" Nodded, he sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head I looked around the room, fidgeting, just wanting this session to be over, hoping that Arthur would be waiting outside for me like normal. Toni looked up again, then became troubled. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just, haven't talked to any of my friends in almost a week... I'm glad that I'm going to be able to again!" He smiled finally, looking down at the file in front of him, writing something quickly, he held the folder up, which had my name on the front of it.

"Well... If that's really all, I do have some good news. It's no longer going to be required for to come twice a week, and, really, right now, the only reason I'm going to ask you to keep coming back... Is because you're going to be back with Gilbert now... I don't want to take the risk." I nodded, smiling, good, now on Tuesday's, Arthur won't have to wait for me. He sighed, then looked around, rubbing the back of his neck, seeming like he wasn't sure what to say. "I don't really know what we have to talk about at all... Um... I guess I should ask, do you even want to go back to Gilbert?" Without hesitation, I shook my head.

"He's been sober only just a month, not even that yet, and they're already sending me back to him, I don't think a month is enough time to know if he's really going to change, but I don't really have a choice." He shifted in his seat, looking down at his desk with a sigh, then started drumming his fingers again, sighing.

"I think the son of a bitch should be put in jail, but the cops won't do it... I've already tried..." Playing with the strap on my bag, I sighed, glances up, looking at the clock, time always drags when you want it to go by quickly... Looking around again, I tugged on my jeans.

"Roderich says he's stopped drinking, stopped hanging around Ivan, and started controlling his anger, but, I'm not sure I want to believe him, because... That means, he helped Gilbert in one month, when in so many years, I couldn't, and... I would have failed him..." He was silent, then looked at me sadly, shaking his head while leaning forward, resting his arms on his desk.

"Ludwig, you did your best for years, there was nothing more anyone could have asked of you, it's Roderich's _job _to help people like your brother. It would have been a miracle if you could have done something... Don't beat yourself up over it." I nodded, not really paying attention anymore. "Listen, since I know you're ready to get out of here, I'll let you out early today amigo. Just be back here next Thursday." Climbing up from the chair, I slung my bag over my shoulder, glancing over as I got to the door, he glanced up. "Hm?"

"Thanks Toni." He smiled as I walked out of the room, glancing at a clock, I sighed, Arthur wouldn't be out for another ten minutes... Going into the lobby, I was glad to see Gilbert was no longer there, I sat down then sighed, pulling a book out of my bag, I opened to the page I left off with, just trying to kill time. Before I knew it, I could hear someone walk into the lobby, looking up, I closed the book, sliding it back in my bag, then stood up. Arthur looked at me shocked, and I wasn't surprised when he did the same thing I did on Tuesday, walked by without saying anything. Putting my bag over my shoulder again, I hurried after him, he glanced back, and kept walking, but shouted over his shoulder.

"So you suddenly come back? It doesn't make sense Ludwig! It doesn't!" Catching up, I grabbed his arm and turned him quickly "Wha-" Capturing his lips, I cut him off, he pushed on my shoulders for a short period, then slowly relaxed and gave in, kissing back. pulling away only by a few centimeters, I rested my forehead against his, locking eyes with him.

"I am so sorry... I swear, I only did it to protect you..." His lips connected with mine again briefly, and when I pulled away, I noticed he was wearing long sleeves again, looking at him again, he sighed, then rolled up his sleeves, there were deeper cuts on his arms now, and I sighed, looking at him sadly.

"I-I... I thought you didn't care anymore..." Lifting his arm up, I lightly kissed his cut skin, glancing up, his head was turned away with a light blush starting to settle on his cheeks, smirking, I moved up, lightly kissing him.

"Don't cut... You told me you wouldn't..." He kept his head turned away, and I sighed, putting an arm around his waist. "Come on, I'll walk you home..." He nodded, then leaned against me with a smile, kissing the top of his head, I thought of something randomly. "by the way, is Alfred sick or something?" He looked up confused, then shook his head.

"No, or, I don't think so... Actually, I don't know where he is... Mum won't tell me..." Strange, walking along in silence, something Antonio said popped into my head.

"..._the only one who knows, is his parent, no other family or neighbors_."

No... It couldn't be...

**He was a patient of your uncles...**

There is no way in hell that Alfred would be in love with his brother like that...

**He obviously goes to your school.**

He would never threaten Arthur, or the others for that matter!

**He would be able to place camera's to spy on Arthur without suspicion.**

He's one of my friends! The person threatened to kill them all!

**Perfect cover up, suicide after killing the others would make it look like a mass murdering.**

I-I would have to ask Roderich, but... It couldn't be true! There was no way!

"Lud? Are you alright?" I nodded, then forced a smile when I looked down, stopping as we reached his house, when his arms wrapped around me, I hugged him back, closing my eyes tightly, I sighed silently. "I'll you tomorrow, right?"

"Ja, of course." Stepping back, I kissed his forehead, making a blush dust his cheeks again, smiling, he held onto my hand as I started walking, letting his hand drop when mine got to far away. He waited for a second, then when inside, staring at the ground as I walked, my head was spinning, now I could be back with Arthur, but it's possible his brother was threatening me...

Walking down the hall later that night, I poked my head into the kitchen, then walked in, Roderich looked up from where he was stirring batter in a bowl, then looked down again quickly.

"Can, you tell me who it was that was taken in on Tuesday?" He stopped then looked up at me and sighed, then pushed his glasses up, continuing to stir the batter.

"I can't Ludwig... I wish I could, but I'm not allowed." I nodded, then sat at the table annoyed, Gott, my head was never going to settle, at least, not until I figured out who it was. Minutes ticked by with us in silence, and I was so zoned out, I jumped when he sat down next to me, cleaning his glasses. "Did you know..." He put his glasses back on, he lifted a glass to his lips, taking a drink, then pausing again. "That Arthur and Alfred aren't actually brothers, and that, in face, Arthur was adopted into the family when he was nine and Alfred was eight." I looked over at him startled, his expression didn't change and neither did his tone, as if it was just some piece of information he pulled out of nowhere.

"Why are you telling me this...?" He took another drink, then shrugged, standing back up to go work on something else in the kitchen.

"I just thought you might want to know." Oh no... It was...

**Author's Note:**

Yay! This chapters finally done! It was a pain to write! So you better like it! XD So... DUN DUN DUUUUN! Is the truth much harder than Luddy thought? Or is there still hope it's someone else? PLEASE let me know what you think!


	12. Almost Like A Dream

Things starting going strangely well as the days melted into weeks, the others still had no clue where Alfred was, but after a while, the topic died down, we all missed him, but maybe where ever he was, he was getting help... Maybe he could come back, and be okay, and everything could go back to being normal again. Another difference, was that Matthew didn't hang around with us as much, he still ate lunch with us, but that was it. This was only at school, at home, things had changed too, Gilbert actually continued to stay sober, every now and then Ivan would come by, and I was startled to find out that the only way he was allowed to come over, was if he promised not to try and get the other drunk. I couldn't believe he agreed to it. Only three weeks after moving back in with Gilbert, Antonio gave me the all clear, saying I no longer needed to come back, but that if I ever needed any help, to get ahold of him. Nothing seemed like it could ever be better, yet, something didn't seem right to me, I felt like this was all a dream, I was becoming afraid to sleep at night. As if when I woke in the morning, everything good would be gone.

Sitting at lunch, I had my elbow on the table, my head resting in my palm, halfway asleep, barely glancing over as someone put their hand on my shoulder, Arthur gave me a puzzled look, I smiled a bit, then shifted, sitting up.

"Sorry, I slept bad last night..." He sighed, letting my shoulders drop as he moved his hand to the table, I placed my hand over his, looking over, his cheeks were pink as he glanced at me. "I'm serious, that's all it is, Gilbert's still sober." He smiled, if I had a hard time believing all of this was real, I think Arthur was having a harder time with it. I often caught him just staring at me, and when I asked what he was doing, he would just smile and shake his head. Looking up at Feliciano and Kiku, I noticed they weren't really paying attention, but more searching over notes for the newspaper, I had returned to that, but, it wasn't the same anymore for some reason. "Hey Arthur..." He looked at me again curiously.

"Hm~? What is it, love?" I smirked a bit and his cheeks instantly turned red, chuckling, he turned his head away embarrassed, making him look a me again, I smiled and shook my head.

"Sorry, you're just really adorable when you blush..." His whole face turned a bright red now, and he stammered something, but I wasn't able to catch it. "That's not what I was going to say though... Gilbert's going to be gone for the weekend, and well... He said you could come over, as long as we don't trash the house..." He stared at me for a second, as if waiting for me to say I was joking, but after a while he smiled.

"Okay. I'll run home after school and ask..." Glancing around to make sure there weren't any teachers near us, I leaned forward, lightly pressing my lips to his, pulling away, Feliciano spoke quickly.

"Ve! Lud! Watch-" I closed my eyes as a bowl of something slimy was dumped on my head, then sighed. "...Out..." Wiping whatever it was out of my eyes, I looked over at the Italian, who was slunk back in his seat.

"Thanks anyway Feli..." Wiping as much of the stuff out of my hair as I could, I looked at my hand, then rolled my eyes, applesauce? Really? Setting the bowl down, I climbed up out of my seat, glaring over at the table of boys who were laughing. I guess sooner or later they would start messing with us again... "I'll be back guys..." Walking out of the lunch room, I made my way down to the bathroom, still trying to get the applesauce out of my hair before it dried.

Walking out of the school with Arthur, he slipped his hand into mine, leaning against my arm as we made our way, we only had three blocks to walk together, now that I needed to shower from the lunch incident. Stopping at the corner, he sighed and let go of my hand, looking up at me with a smile.

"I'll probably see you soon~ If I can't come over for some odd reason, I'll give you a call, okay?" I nodded, he stood up on his toes, making it easier for him, I leaned down capturing his lips with mine. Starting to pull away, he stood up on his toes more, not letting me break the kiss, smirking a bit, I grabbed his hips and pulled him down, he pouted, his emerald eyes glaring up at me from under his bangs.

"Hey, we have all weekend..." He smiled again, a blush settling on his cheeks as he nodded, he shifted his bag, then glanced back, only to look back at me grinning.

"I guess you're right... I'll see you soon." Watching him hurry off toward his house, I continued to the last block home, walking inside, Gilbert was already gone, with a few twenties laying on the table, along with a note saying I could order take out if I wanted. Dropping my bag and coat in my room, I moved into the bathroom quickly, knowing it wouldn't take long for Arthur to come over, though he would probably take his time to help me out, it would end up being less than twenty minutes. The heat was a huge improvement from the cold outside, I never did like winter all that much, even as a child, I always found the cold snow unappealing, though, I really enjoyed when school was closed.

As the smell of applesauce finally disappeared, I climbed out of the shower, drying off quickly, changing back into my boxers and jeans, I put the towel around my neck then headed out of the bathroom. Moving quickly toward my room to get a longer sleeved shirt, there was a knock at the door, glancing at the clock, I brushed my bangs out of my eyes, shit, that had taken longer than I thought! Another knock, hurrying to the door, I pulled it open, shivering instantly then crossing my arms trying to stay warm, Arthur looked at me shocked then turned his gaze away quickly. Moving out of the way, he came in and I closed the door quickly, shivering again.

"Sorry, I just got out of the shower..." Rubbing my arms, he laughed a bit, then hung his coat up on the rack by the door, he brushed snow out of his hair, and I glanced out the window, I didn't even notice it was snowing... Moving toward my room again, I didn't pay attention enough to see Arthur silently following, jumping when he grabbed my sides, I yelped, moving away as fast as I could with a shiver. "Dammit! You're hands are cold! Didn't you wear gloves?!" Turning around, I smirked when seeing he was trying to cover his laugh, leaning up against my doorframe, he hesitantly stepped closer. Grabbing his wrists, I pushed him up against the wall, and held his wrists above his head, he looked up at me, his cheeks red and emerald eyes wide.

"That's not fair! You're stronger!" Rolling my eyes, I let go of his wrists, startled when he instantly wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling my head down to his.

"Mng!" He smiled against my lips, relaxing, I put my hands on his hips starting to kiss back. Feeling him press his body even closer to mine, I slid my arms around his waist and put my hands in the back pockets of his jeans, thinking of something, my heart raced, and I pulled away a bit, resting my forehead against his. "Arthur..." He looked up at me confused, worry in his eyes, but it faded when I felt my cheeks heat up. "W-well... I... I love you..." Wide emerald eyes stared up at me for a moment, shocked, feeling nervous about saying it, I shifted a bit, looking off to the side.

"Ludwig?" Turning my attention back to him, he smiled, then stood up on his toes, lightly pressing his lips to mine before pulling away, grinning. "I love you too..." Watching his cheeks go a dark red as he looked up at me again, I smiled and pulled him closer.

**Author's Note: Okay, this probably wasn't the ending you were expecting, and well, neither was I, but, I kinda like this ending better, and I'm sure you would too. XD If I get bored or something, after finishing other stories, I might do an alternate ending. Thanks for reading! :3**


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